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Struggle with feeling evil
When I was a child I dropped my brother down the stairs and I’m not sure if I remember this correctly or not because I was seven but I think I did it on purpose. Hopefully my mind is playing tricks on me but I feel shame and guilt since he’s special needs now. I repent, I ask for forgiveness and I ask God to help me forgive myself if this is true.
As kids we don't always have the grasp of right and wrong or the correlation of consequences. Sometimes we do things to see just what happens, what it would feel like and while it's not always nice recalling such things they do influence how we grow as a person. When I was younger I intentionally hurt one of my family members, nothing major, just enough to cause some pain and discomfort. Never understood as to why I did it though I never done it again. These are just life experiences which may be a wtf moment for some reading but in truth played a part in us growing.
You feel guilt just as I did which shows that you learned and grew because of it. Don't be so ** yourself. It happens.