Hall pass gone bad
The ink is barely dry on my divorce, but I thought you might like to hear how it happened.
After 18 years of marriage, I caught my wife cheating. And I mean "caught": I came home early, went into our bedroom and stood watching (the door was across from the foot of the bed) a big guy, a little overweight but attractive if a woman likes big c****, shoving his c*** as hard as he could into my wife's ass. With each stroke she would yell something: "Oh, God, Dobie, harder! Harder!" or "Yes, Yes!" or my personal favorite, "Jesus, Dobie, you f*** me so much better than he does!"
I was stunned, but I had enough presence of mind to take out my cell phone and make a short wife-p*** video for evidence. Then I said loudly, "That's great, Trisha, just great!" She immediately pushed him away and tried to stand up while she said, "Bobby, it's not what it looks like!"- Why do women say that? Her new best friend was just standing there with his c*** halfway up, looking like he hoped I wouldn't hit him. I just laughed and said, "You were both enjoying his c*** up your ass so much, so go ahead and finish what you started. After that, take a f****** shower and come downstairs to talk to me."
I don't think they finished. In about two minutes, he came stumbling down the stairs and out the door without looking at me. I sat thinking, getting calmer. I realized I wanted to stay married to her. Then I thought about how I could separate her apparent need to cheat from her damaging our marriage. I heard the shower running upstairs, then 10 minutes later Trisha came down, all cleaned up and dressed in some toreador pants she knows I like. She sat across from me, looking like she was scared.
I said, "I'm going to have a drink- you want one?" She nodded, so I poured them and brought them back to the table. I sat down and asked, "How long have you and Dobie been f******?" She replied, "Only about two months, honest." I said, "How many have there been before him?" She looked pained and said, "I don't know- twelve or fifteen, I guess- but that's over ten or eleven years. I'm really sorry, Bobby, I can't help myself." As if that somehow made it better. I thought about the twelve or fifteen guys balling my wife. “How long did those affairs go on?” She looked down and said, “Most of them, only a matter of weeks. But one lasted four years.”
That hit me hard. I said, “Anybody I know?” and cringed, waiting for her answer. She said, “Yes. But not since we moved here. And don’t ask me for names.” I noted the plural on guys I knew. I asked, “Did you f*** them all in our bed?” and she simply replied, “Yes.”
I sat looking at her until she said, "What are you going to do to me, Bobby?"
I kept looking at her and said, "Nothing right now, but this slutty cheating has to stop, now!" "I know, I know, it will, I promise!" she poured out.
I said, "If you have an uncontrollable urge to f*** other men, we should take that as a sign that we have to re-evaluate our marriage." She began to wail, but I held up a hand to stop her and said, "Listen to what I have to say." She settled silently. "From this moment on, Trisha, you have a permanent hall pass. You can f*** anybody you want, as long as you don't hide it from me, don’t do anything to embarrass me, don't do it in our bed, and don't fall in love. In return, I expect the same pass from you."
She looked at me with obvious relief, then started crying, saying, “Yes, Bobby, yes! I thought for sure you would divorce me!” We talked a little more, me saying she was through with Dobie since he had been hidden from me and f****** in my bed. She agreed.
So we had a new normal. For the first time in 18 years, I began looking at other women. Sometimes they looked back and smiled, and sometimes they took me to their place. I told Trisha everything from day one, with as much detail as she wanted. Meanwhile, she said she didn’t want to use her hall pass because this incident had put her off s** with other men entirely. So we spent the last three years like that: me getting laid every few months, all one-night stands; and Trisha continuing to say she didn’t want to use her pass but she was not unhappy about me using mine.
All that changed last June- actually, on our anniversary. We were planning to go out to dinner, but I came home early and- sure enough- she was balling another big guy in our bed. This time I backed out quietly and went downstairs to think. I realized that, except for doing him in our bed, it was possible that she just met this guy and was going to tell me as soon as possible, so she would be mostly okay as far as using her hall pass. So I needed evidence that today was not their first time.
I saw her purse sitting where it always was, on the radiator next to the door, and I took out her phone. She never locked it. I went into her messages, began scrolling through them, and found twenty or thirty in the last few months to one number. Then I went into my laptop and into her email account, then started backwards through her deleted emails to and from men. There were dozens of them, going back to a few weeks after we decided on the hall passes. I also opened a hidden file and saw several videos. I looked at one and it was some guy f****** her. I looked at the next one and it was the same guy again, but this time he brought a friend. Finally, I went into her credit card account- we kept separate cards to give each other some privacy and control- and scattered over the past three years I found twenty-five or thirty charges at hotels, sometimes for drinks and sometimes for rooms.
I was having a hard time processing all this. She had a pass, for Christ’s sake, why would she cheat? I couldn’t see any possibility except that she was a filthy s*** I needed to get out of my life. I went to the bottom of the stairs and called loudly, “Trisha? Trisha?” It took a few beats, but then she answered, “What, honey? You’re home early.” I replied, “Tell him to pull his c*** out and kiss you goodbye, because he’s never going to see you again. Then you get your sorry ass down here.”
Once again, her lover ran out quickly, but this time she followed right away in a tee shirt and panties, looking really scared. “I know everything,” I bluffed. “My only question is why? Why cheat when you have a hall pass?” She looked at me sadly, on the verge of tears, and said, “It’s just not as thrilling when I have your permission, Bobby. I love the sneaking around. I need this.”
I looked at her with real sorrow for a minute and then said, “Yes, I believe you do need to cheat, but you’re not going to cheat me anymore. Please move all your things out by Sunday. Oh, and cancel our anniversary dinner reservation.”