I'm a Useless Leech

I hate myself. Complete and utter self-loathing. If I could, I'd want to just erase myself from the world. I'm going into high school, and I feel like trying to do anything in the future is pointless because it won't work out and I'm too lazy to even try to do anything other than watch Youtube. I feel so much pain and guilt whenever I do something wrong. I never talk to people, and I'm always scared to talking to people, even friends I've known for years. I'm even scared talking to my parents, because it's not their fault they have to deal with my stupid emotions. The worst part is that I feel like my problems are so worthless. So many people deal with such worse stuff than me, I'm just a brat who doesn't understand how the world works. I have no realistic passions, and don't even deserve to live. I hear myself in my head saying what a piece of absolute garbage I am, and how all I want is attention, and that I should just go away, and I hate myself. I've tried suffocating myself with water in my sink, but chickened out immediately because I'm just an obnoxious loser who hurts my family. I also tried choking myself after a huge fight with my parents. I just wanted to stop my head saying "I hate you". I'm sorry for wasting your time. I don't think I have a problem, I'm just being stupid and trying to get attention from people. Anyone actually experiencing depression or any other mental illness has so many other problems to deal with. I don't even know why I'm doing this, I'm just so scared to talk to my parents or a therapist or anybody, and I just want to feel happy.

Aug 16, 2020

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  • You are equally valuable to everyone else in this world. I've been through this harsh self-hatred when I was a teen. Please here me out and you'll be grateful. I want to help you to the best of my ability (though I am not a psychiatrist).You are in a certain phase in your life that is dark and mentally confined. It is NOT permanent. It is never going to determine who you really are. You must first start off by being aware of your ignorance of the world. The world is overwhelming. Youngsters like yourself have only been able to absorb what you've experienced both internally and externally in the short years you have lived so far. They may say "You have so much to live for!" whereas you may think that it is all pain and suffering. It's not unless you CHOOSE it to be that way. You have the full potential to turn your own life around and open yourself up to the positivity that is out there waiting for you. 1/3

  • You have to commit to being a more positive person. It takes small steps and it takes a long time for significant results. Open yourself up to the world instead of closing yourself away from it. Not everyone hates you or wants bad things to happen to you. Your mind is actually the only source that is putting you through all of this. The negative people you may have associated with are worth leaving behind. Find and stick to those you feel comfortable with. Deep in your heart you must transform yourself to leave the dark phase and toward a brighter one. Let go of little desires like unhealthy foods, drugs, violent content, or anything that you made a habit of. You may find yourself struggle after leaving them, but if you keep those things away. You will become more in control of your own mind and stick to positive desires. 2/3

  • You must not set unrealistic expectations of the world around you. Just be aware of the world as it is and not according to your limited understanding. We are all ignorant and disadvantaged in our own ways, but none of these issues have to keep us from living our lives at the fullest.Just because you may have encountered some negative people in your life doesn't mean everyone will do the same to you. You can easily ignore them and walk away. They are a waste of your time, energy and don't provide you any good in life.Hope this all helps. Please leave a reply if you have anything you'd like me to respond to. I don't know anything about you aside from what you've posted so I'm only giving you a handful of things that I think might help you. Hoping all of it will in anyway. Good luck. 3/3

  • Tell me ... who are you, but not in the words above.

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