I realized something

I can't stop thinking about a girl I know, in a pretty abstract sense - I want to talk to her and be with her. It's gotten to the point where it's quite unhealthy.

Then I suddenly realized this was part of a pattern. She came into my life when my relationship with my ex-girlfriend was deteriorating, who came into my life once I knew I had no chance with someone else, way back. It's like the only way to stop thinking about her is to find another woman to run laps around my mind.

I wish I could just be happy alone. Then, if someone did show up who wanted to be with me, I wouldn't need to rely or lean on their love. At least by putting it into writing I might be able to start doing something about it.

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