Im feeling suicidal after failing 2 semesters and lying about it

I did my first two semesters of online college and failed every class and lied about it because I don't know how to be honest with my parents. I'm having lots of suicidal thoughts even though I want to keep living because I don't know how to deal with this and I don't want to deal with the consequences. I have well over a full gram of Methylphenidate, plenty enough to kill me. I want to live on because there's so much more I still want to do but holy s*** its so hard to live with the anxiety of wondering when everything is going to finally catch up with me and fall apart. F me. I haven't even been completely honest with my boyfriend about it but I know I cant KMS because it would crush him and I cant do that to him, I love him too much. Anyway if you're reading this I hope you're doing better than me

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  • Face it-you may not be good reading books but you could be better with trades. find something you can good at and stop this crap thinking. you are the enemy of yourself.

  • My son did the same thing, it was a burden for him just like it is for you now

    He came back home, told us about it (probably not everything)
    Joined a community college, now he is much better

    He did see a life coach, who help him figure out priorities (without involving us which probably better)

    Just open up, tell whoever you think you should tell to listen not judge as it’s hard for you to to do it

    At the end of the day you learned a lot

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