I'm cursed

That's the only way to describe it - I'm cursed. Like when people turn into werewolves. I change into a different person that I can't control.
It's been going on for about five years. I woke up one night and found my son feeling my groin. I was terrified for a second, then I felt a strange tension and a feeling like I wasn't really there. I took his and, licked all his fingers, then spread my legs and put his hand back. He spent the night in my bed molesting me and I let him.The next day I acted completely normal, even though I kept saying to myself that he and I needed to talk about it. But that night I led him back to my bedroom and we went further.
It's like I'm me the entire day but right at time for bed I turn into this different person, a slave to my son. It's also happened at Christmas and our birthdays and when we were on vacation. Sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it, sometimes I just lie there and let it happen. But I don't fight it anymore. And somehow we never talk about it.
It seems to affect my son, too. All day he's my sweet boy. He has a girlfriend and does well at school and doesn't take drugs. But at night he makes me do things I never did with my late husband.
I'm cursed, that's all I can think of. Someone put a curse on my family and I'm helpless.
I'm typing this at 2:30 in the morning. He's using the bathroom now, and when he's done I know he'll take me again and I can't stop him or myself. I love it and hate it at the same time.

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  • I know exactly how you feel! I've been giving my son head for years and haven't been able to figure out why. I had rationalized it by saying how it aroused me, but the truth is I just do it without thinking! It's like I go on automatic pilot! It hasn't gone further than that yet but I've known for months that it's only a matter of time.
    It's such a relief to know I'm not the only mother with this problem!

  • Have you looked into the possibility of a curse? There's bound to be someone around who knows about magic - maybe you could find someone online. If you are cursed or haunted, then maybe it can be exorcized.

  • that acting weird stuff is spooky but aint nothin wrong with it. my mom been blowing me since i was 6 im 19 now never raped anyone. u aint raping the kid youre just letting him tap your ass thats all

  • You can stop. You have to stop it. You are the adult; even if he is 18 or older, you are still the adult here. You might need to arrange for him to live someplace else. As hard and costly as that may be, it might be necessary for this to stop. Whatever measure is necessary. And you BOTH need counseling. Maybe you can't make him go, maybe he is too old to try to force to do that. You don't have to tell the counselor everything. You can be as vague as you want, but still will get some good advice. You could just you want to know how a person should handle sexual feelings about a family member, and that you won't answer specifics. If he is a minor, admitting to sexual encounters with him to a therapist might get you arrested. Which wouldn't help anyone. So, just be vague.

  • His girlfriend needs to put out more. He's seeking pleasure anywhere he can. You need to stop. Now.

    If he commits some horrid rape crimes or something like that in the future, you'll be blamed.

  • If it's real, I don't see what you're complaining about.
    If it's not real, those of us who want to have something with their sons like the way you think!

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