That's the only way to describe it - I'm cursed. Like when people turn into werewolves. I change into a different person that I can't control.
It's been going on for about five years. I woke up one night and found my son feeling my groin. I was terrified for a second, then I felt a strange tension and a feeling like I wasn't really there. I took his and, licked all his fingers, then spread my legs and put his hand back. He spent the night in my bed molesting me and I let him.The next day I acted completely normal, even though I kept saying to myself that he and I needed to talk about it. But that night I led him back to my bedroom and we went further.
It's like I'm me the entire day but right at time for bed I turn into this different person, a slave to my son. It's also happened at Christmas and our birthdays and when we were on vacation. Sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it, sometimes I just lie there and let it happen. But I don't fight it anymore. And somehow we never talk about it.
It seems to affect my son, too. All day he's my sweet boy. He has a girlfriend and does well at school and doesn't take drugs. But at night he makes me do things I never did with my late husband.
I'm cursed, that's all I can think of. Someone put a curse on my family and I'm helpless.
I'm typing this at 2:30 in the morning. He's using the bathroom now, and when he's done I know he'll take me again and I can't stop him or myself. I love it and hate it at the same time.