I have a hatred for human kind beyond comprehension..
But I don't let people know about my hatred in humanity or the human race.
I was 3 or 4, molested & raped by my real dad with my mom helping and watching as my dad raped me. This went on till I was 11 when my parents divorced and my dad moved to Texas with some other woman with kids. (Never heard from him or of him until he passed away 2 years)
On my 6th birthday, I was force to have s** with an adult male family friend as my mom again watched and cheered him on. This happened on many occasions, with different people until I was 11 or 12.
I was beaten by my mom repeatedly from a young age till I was 16yrs old, then once again when I was 20. (She blamed me for her marriage being destroyed to blaming me for her life being so f***** up)
I got pregnant at 9yrs old, the baby was aborted was reported as, (A promiscuous child who had been caught having s** with boys in our neighborhood on several occasions.)
When I was 12, my mom remarried her old boyfriend from high school. It didn't take long before I was added to their marital s**. I would lay there as my mom watched as my stepdad would rape me just as my own father had done.
When I turned 13 I met a police officer at my school who was assigned there. We began having s** almost daily until I got pregnant, which caused him to disappear from my life.
I dropped out of school and eventually had a little girl just after turning 14. (I was ordered to sign my parental rights over to my mom because I couldn't provide for her)
Less the a year after my daughter was born, I caught my stepdad molesting her. But instead of my mom being on my side, she beat me so bad I had to be hospitalized for a week. CPS was called and it was reported that I was jumped and beaten by a group of girls that had an issue with me because I had s** with one of there boyfriends.
(I was labeled the neighborhood w****)
When I was released from the hospital, I was threatened by my mom and stepdad that I would disappear if I ever talked. I believed them and began to resent life even more. I was forced on several occasions to watch my infant daughter being molested and raped by my stepdad and other men who I assumed were paying to do this since my mom would always have extra cash afterwards.
When my daughter was 4, I filed to get custody of her back. (The judge ruled in my moms favor because I was a dropout and had a history.)
I got my GED, and tried to join the military. I was turned away because I only had a GED and needed college credits. After a several attempts I finally got enough credits to join the Army at 20yrs old. Which was when my mom decided I needed to be beaten one last time. I played on the floor blooded as my mom spit on me and told me I was a s*** and trash.
5 months later I finished Basic and AIT and was stationed at Ft Hood, Texas.
I filed for custody of my daughter with the help of my command and won.
My daughter moved in with me when she was 6yrs old.
In 1991 I met and married a fellow soldier from Ft Hood. We were happy and life was beginning to look bright.
In Dec 1992, I was deployed to Somalia with my Unit. My daughter stayed stateside with my husband. In May of 1994 I returned home. Life was back to normal as I had hoped.
July 4th 1994, I was on CQ for 24hrs. My Sgt let me go home to get dinner and I'd return right after.
My life again came to a stop when I walked in on my 8yr old daughter and husband having s** on the livingroom floor. I completely lost it and beat my husband as he tried to explain. He was arrested, charged, and sentenced to only 6yrs prison at Ft Knox, Ky Regional Correctional Facility.
I'm turning 50 this year and have not been with another person sexual since. I have lived through too much to even begin to imagine going back to that life. And feel love is only a word and not a feeling.
Thanks for letting me get this out.
Get help, talk to someone, don't hide and let things happen to you. I made that mistake, and have lived a miserable life for it. Take care of you!