Damaged Childhood

I have a hatred for human kind beyond comprehension..
But I don't let people know about my hatred in humanity or the human race.

(Earliest memories)
I was 3 or 4, molested & raped by my real dad with my mom helping and watching as my dad raped me. This went on till I was 11 when my parents divorced and my dad moved to Texas with some other woman with kids. (Never heard from him or of him until he passed away 2 years)
On my 6th birthday, I was force to have s** with an adult male family friend as my mom again watched and cheered him on. This happened on many occasions, with different people until I was 11 or 12.
I was beaten by my mom repeatedly from a young age till I was 16yrs old, then once again when I was 20. (She blamed me for her marriage being destroyed to blaming me for her life being so f***** up)
I got pregnant at 9yrs old, the baby was aborted was reported as, (A promiscuous child who had been caught having s** with boys in our neighborhood on several occasions.)
When I was 12, my mom remarried her old boyfriend from high school. It didn't take long before I was added to their marital s**. I would lay there as my mom watched as my stepdad would rape me just as my own father had done.
When I turned 13 I met a police officer at my school who was assigned there. We began having s** almost daily until I got pregnant, which caused him to disappear from my life.
I dropped out of school and eventually had a little girl just after turning 14. (I was ordered to sign my parental rights over to my mom because I couldn't provide for her)
Less the a year after my daughter was born, I caught my stepdad molesting her. But instead of my mom being on my side, she beat me so bad I had to be hospitalized for a week. CPS was called and it was reported that I was jumped and beaten by a group of girls that had an issue with me because I had s** with one of there boyfriends.
(I was labeled the neighborhood w****)
When I was released from the hospital, I was threatened by my mom and stepdad that I would disappear if I ever talked. I believed them and began to resent life even more. I was forced on several occasions to watch my infant daughter being molested and raped by my stepdad and other men who I assumed were paying to do this since my mom would always have extra cash afterwards.
When my daughter was 4, I filed to get custody of her back. (The judge ruled in my moms favor because I was a dropout and had a history.)
I got my GED, and tried to join the military. I was turned away because I only had a GED and needed college credits. After a several attempts I finally got enough credits to join the Army at 20yrs old. Which was when my mom decided I needed to be beaten one last time. I played on the floor blooded as my mom spit on me and told me I was a s*** and trash.
5 months later I finished Basic and AIT and was stationed at Ft Hood, Texas.
I filed for custody of my daughter with the help of my command and won.
My daughter moved in with me when she was 6yrs old.
In 1991 I met and married a fellow soldier from Ft Hood. We were happy and life was beginning to look bright.
In Dec 1992, I was deployed to Somalia with my Unit. My daughter stayed stateside with my husband. In May of 1994 I returned home. Life was back to normal as I had hoped.
July 4th 1994, I was on CQ for 24hrs. My Sgt let me go home to get dinner and I'd return right after.
My life again came to a stop when I walked in on my 8yr old daughter and husband having s** on the livingroom floor. I completely lost it and beat my husband as he tried to explain. He was arrested, charged, and sentenced to only 6yrs prison at Ft Knox, Ky Regional Correctional Facility.
I'm turning 50 this year and have not been with another person sexual since. I have lived through too much to even begin to imagine going back to that life. And feel love is only a word and not a feeling.
Thanks for letting me get this out.
Get help, talk to someone, don't hide and let things happen to you. I made that mistake, and have lived a miserable life for it. Take care of you!

Mar 16

Related Posts

21 Comments

  • newest
  • most popular
  • oldest
  • My dad was a Nassasistic person and alcoholic, but that is nothing compared to what you went through.
    I'm so sorry that this happened to you.
    And I'm So Proud of you for your inner strength to over come such a hard and bad start in life.
    You should be very proud of yourself,
    I Am Very Proud Of You!!!!!!!! 💓
    Have a Great Life!!!

  • So sorry thus happened to you, it should have never happened at all!!!!

  • This is so sad that you Mom would do such a thing to her child.
    Your Mom has real issues and needs help and should never be around children alone sgain.
    I hope you are able to recover and you and your daughter have a good life..

  • God Bless you for carrying on and not letting those monsters win. Anyone who could do this to a child is a cowardly little dicked loser who hates themselves and will burn in h***!

  • That's just horrible.

  • If you are for real then read the posts Understanding and treating survivors of incest! Thats what happens for real. If you are fake thenFUCKyou

  • (OP Here) Well Welcome to 2021...
    I'm quite aware in Understanding and Treating Survivors of Incest.. There's also 100s of books on Understanding Child Sexual abuse and Surviving Child Sexual Abuse that I've read and collected over the past 25years. Not to mention the 100s ot books and TV shows aimed at helping Physical and Mental Child Abuse Victims and Survivors. I too can copy and paste them if you want. I small minded comment only enforces my hatred in humanity and hatred humans in general.. Thanks Hero!

  • Understanding and treating survivors of incest
    March 6, 2018

    Adults with histories of being abused as children present unique challenges for counselors. For instance, these clients often struggle with establishing and maintaining a therapeutic alliance. They may rapidly shift their notion of the counselor from very favorable to very unfavorable in line with concomitant shifts in their emotional states. Furthermore, they may anxiously expect the counselor to abandon them and thus increase pressure on the counselor to prove otherwise. Ironically, attempts at reassurance by the counselor may actually serve to validate these clients’ fears of abandonment.
    The motivating factor for many of these clients is mistrust of people in general — and often for good reason. This article explores the psychological and interpersonal aspect of child sexual abuse by a parent and its treatment, with a particular focus on its relationship to betrayal trauma, dissociation and complex trauma.
    Incest and its effects
    Child abuse of any kind by a parent is a particularly negative experience that often affects survivors to varying degrees throughout their lives. However, child sexual abuse committed by a parent or other relative — that is, incest — is associated with particularly severe psychological symptoms and physical injuries for many survivors. For example, survivors of father-daughter incest are more likely to report feeling depressed, damaged and psychologically injured than are survivors of other types of child abuse. They are also more likely to report being estranged from one or both parents and having been shamed by others when they tried to share their experience. Additional symptoms include low self-esteem, self-loathing, somatization, low self-efficacy, pervasive interpersonal difficulties and feelings of contamination, worthlessness, shame and helplessness..

  • One particularly damaging result of incest is trauma bonding, in which survivors incorporate the aberrant views of their abusers about the incestuous relationship. As a result, victims frequently associate the abuse with a distorted form of caring and affection that later negatively influences their choice of romantic relationships. This can often lead to entering a series of abusive relationships.
    According to Christine Courtois (Healing the Incest Wound: Adult Survivors in Therapy) and Richard Kluft (“Ramifications of incest” in Psychiatric Times), greater symptom severity for incest survivors is associated with:
    * Longer duration of abuse
    * Frequent abuse episodes
    * Penetration
    * High degree of force, coercion and intimidation
    * Transgenerational incest
    * A male perpetrator
    * Closeness of the relationship
    * Passive or willing participation
    * Having an erotic response
    * Self-blame and shame
    * Observed or reported incest that continues
    * Parental blame and negative judgment
    * Failed institutional responses: shaming, blaming, ineffectual effort
    * Early childhood onset.

  • Early childhood onset
    Incest that begins at a young age and continues for protracted periods — the average length of incest abuse is four years — often results in avoidance-based coping skills (for example, avoidance of relationships and various dissociative phenomena). These trauma-forged coping skills form the foundation for present and future interpersonal interactions and often become first-line responses to all or most levels of distress-producing circumstances.
    More than any other type of child abuse, incest is associated with secrecy, betrayal, powerlessness, guilt, conflicted loyalty, fear of reprisal and self-blame/shame. It is of little surprise then that only 30 percent of incest cases are reported by survivors. The most reliable research suggests that 1 in 20 families with a female child have histories of father-daughter child sexual abuse, whereas 1 in 7 blended families with a female child have experienced stepfather-stepdaughter child sexual abuse (see the revised edition of The Secret Trauma: Incest in the Lives of Girls and Women by Diana E. H. Russell, published in 1999).
    In 1986, David Finkelhor, known for his work on child sexual abuse, indicated that among males who reported being sexually abused as children, 3 percent reported mother-son incest. However, most incest-related research has focused on father-daughter or stepfather-stepdaughter incest, which is the focus of this article!

  • Subsequent studies of incest survivors indicated that being eroticized early in life disrupted these individuals’ adult sexuality. In comparison with nonincest controls, survivors experienced sexual intercourse earlier, had more s** partners, were more likely to have casual s** with those outside of their primary relationships and were more likely to engage in s** for money. Thus, survivors of incest are at an increased risk for revictimization, often without a conscious realization that they are being abused. This issue often creates confusion for survivors because the line between involuntary and voluntary participation in sexual behavior is blurred.
    An article by Sandra Stroebel and colleagues, published in 2013 in Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment, indicates that risk factors for father-daughter incest include the following:
    * Exposure to parent verbal or physical violence
    * Families that accept father-daughter nudity
    * Families in which the mother never kisses or hugs her daughter (overt maternal affection was identified as a protective factor against father-daughter incest)
    * Families with an adult male other than the biological father in the home (i.e., a stepfather or substitute father figure).

  • Finally, some qualitative research notes that in limited cases, mothers with histories of being sexually abused as a child wittingly or unwittingly contribute to the causal chain of events leading to father-daughter incest. Furthermore, in cases in which a mother chooses the abuser over her daughter, the abandonment by the mother may have a greater negative impact on her daughter than did the abuse itself. This rejection not only reinforces the victim’s sense of worthlessness and shame but also suggests to her that she somehow “deserved” the abuse. As a result, revictimization often becomes the rule rather than the exception, a self-fulfilling prophecy that validates the victim’s sense of core unworthiness!

  • Beyond the physical and psychological harm caused by father-daughter incest, Courtois notes that the resulting family dynamics are characterized by:
    * Parent conflict
    * Contradicting messages
    * Triangulation (for example, parents aligned against the child or perpetrator parent-child alignment against the other parent)
    * Improper parent-child alliances within an atmosphere of denial and secrecy
    Furthermore, victims are less likely to receive support and protection due to family denial and loyalty than if the abuser were outside the family or a stranger. Together, these circumstances often create for survivors a distorted sense of self and distorted relationships with self and others. If the incest begins at an early age, survivors often develop an inherent sense of mistrust and danger that pervades and mediates their perceptions of relationships and the world as a whole.

    #THE REAL SIDE OF INCEST.

  • Boohoo, woe is me. Your daughter was loose.

  • Your life has been H***, I hope you are doing well. I know you’ll never forgive the people who done those terrible messed up things to you, if I had a Gun, I would shot them all dead on the spot ( your parents included) and took you away to safety and security far away from that abuse.

  • (OP here) I groomed into it. I didn't realize how wrong it was until I was in my early teen years. But by then, I was trapped and so afraid of what my mom and stepdad would do to me. Thank you for your words, I too felt as you do about it now. I wonder what life had been like if I had stood up for myself. But would I have had my daughter? I think of that as the blessing in my h***. I still have dreams of the past, during the dreams I feel like I'm in my old life again. But when I wake up in my current life, I realize that my dream that felt so normal was actually a nightmare.. It's hard to explain to people, and so I just keep to myself. As of today, my daughter and my psychiatrist (I say Counselor) know about my past. I believe my daughter has spoken to people about her past aswell, but that's her therapy.
    Again Thank you.

  • You had F***** tattooed to you head! FUCKyou and this FakeCRAP

  • (OP Here) Sure I did Scooter.. Now run along little one, no one here cares about your comments.

  • Wow, sorry you been theough so much bad. I hope the rest of you and your daughters days are brighter.

  • (OP here) Thank you, I live a quiet life in a small town in Mississippi. So far, life is going well. My Daughter is doing great as well. She's a Naval Aviator, and has no plans on slowing down. We both went through alot. But we got counseling and started over. I retired from the Army in 2012 and like I said, I live a quiet life now.

Account Login
Signup
Is this post inapropriate?
Reason for reporting this post
Report this comment
Reason for reporting this comment
Delete this post?