My friend is loyal to a fault

I have this friend whose company I truly enjoy. He's helped me through a lot, and I appreciate his thoughts, company, and companionship. The problem: his roommate/ex-boyfriend hates my guts and he sabotages our ability to hang out all the time. I understand they used to be in a relationship and that they've known each other longer than I have known him. But his ex puts all of these obstacles in our way just to get back at me over something truly insignificant that happened years ago. I've been open and willing to sit down with him and resolve the issue, but he doesn't want to because then he wouldn't have a reason to hate me anymore. I mean cmon, it happened literally 3 years ago. Get tf over it bro.

I'm not even allowed to visit him at his place. Or, every time we both want to hang out, he feels obligated to hang with his roommate first every time. When I bring this up, he always takes his side saying that his ex is still mad over this stupid misunderstanding that happened years ago as if that gives him a right to act so immaturely. At the end of the day, at least I respect my friend's autonomy as a grown ass man and would never tell him "you can do this, you cannot do this."

I wish he would see how much he is being emotionally manipulated. I wish he could see how much his ex prevents him from having more friends and independence from his toxic nature. It huts me so much to see him being toyed with this way.

Apr 8, 2021

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  • Good comment!!!

  • You respect your friends autonomy as a grown man?
    So why is he behaving (or allowing himself to be manipulated into behaving), like a child? You may say he's not, but all the time he takes the stance of putting his unreasonable room-mate first, he's demonstrating that he's just as childish as the other guy.
    What would I do in your position? Throw a party!
    The theme of the party would be to celebrate the wonderful times you've shared with your friend, times that have to, sadly, come to an end.
    Wish him the very best of everything, and walk away.
    You really can do better, I'm sure.

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