I messed everything up.

I officially started dating a guy yesterday. We've been hanging out for about 1.5 months. The thing is that throughout this time I have had a crush on his roommate. His roommate always seemed to flirt with me but after a while I just assumed that's how he naturally was and he wasn't really meaning anything by it. Tonight I find out he likes me and I would much rather be with him but I feel like I need to give me and this current guy a decent shot. The roommate is telling me to forget about it, but I think that's because he's worried about what my boyfriend would do to him.
And to top everything off after I realized the mistake I made with who I'm with I decided I wanted to mess things up even more so I made out with a guy at a party last night. I'm being self destructive because I'm p***** about my decisions. I want to be with the roommate but that's nearly impossible now and it's killing me.

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  • I read your narration with deep sense of empathy. A lot of folks have had enough confusion from a "confused world" to last for a life time! Lack of "personal identity" can bore oneself sick even to having suicide thoughts . Have I once considered suicide in my life? Yes and indeed, many folks you see that walk the streets are full of challenges and pains that were inflicted or innate. In my own case, in my teens , I thought I will not be able to achieve anything because I was abused as a child , lived in a home that always felt like an explosive device was about to ignite. I struggled with these feelings and tried to fill the void via alcohol and "street smokes". I found fake boldness that was transient. I envied and wanted to be like others. I began to steal. Well, I am an adult now, well educated, employed, married, had kids, drug/alcohol/smoke free, and really free from all my demons. How? Yes, I know that this will be the question in your heart. It sounded foolish and dreamlike but it was real. Someone gave me a copy of "New Testament and Psalms and proverbs"; a little blue covered book which could fit into my pocket. It was published by Gideon international. I began to read it from "The Gospel of John" like he advised me. I love reading and it made sense. Well, I may not be able to tell you all that happened to me but I discovered that as I read it daily, I began to be attracted to and talk to the main character in the story; Jesus and it seemed like and old self of mine was dropping off daily. At some point , I was shocked when I was out with my friends and realized that I hadn't touched alcohol in the past 2 weeks! And the stranger thing was that alcohol lost its appeal to me. In fact, it disgusted me. My friends told me that they will "give me just three months" and I will drink myself to stupor like before. well it has been years and I keep getting better; more pleasant than the person I ever tried to be. Jesus is beautiful.

  • No offence but I hate it when girls do that; you don't like your current situation so you go and make out with some random dude. Doesn't make any sense, and to me it just smacks of attention seeking.
    Get your act together, and seriously think about who you could be most happy with. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. So you're with a guy but his mate likes you and you like him. So what? If you like him more than the hiu you're seeing then don't stay with him just to keep him happy. In the long run that will hurt him more. Believe me, I know.

    So just be honest with them and yourself.

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