Some Childhood Confessions [Half Rant]

I thought I'd give the slutty confessions a break and let off some steam from when I was young and stupid.

1: I kissed my sister when I was 8 during a fake wedding that she and I produced.

2: I kicked a dollar store volleyball over my neighbor's fence and sent their dog to the ER, all completely by accident. (Yes, she was fine)

3: I had a habit for jumping on furniture. One day I was jumping on the couch and the painting behind me fell down and smashed over my head. I ended up with a cut finger, and blamed the whole event on my sister. She got one h*** of a spanking. Sorry sis.

4: I was jealous in 3ed grade that I didn't get the leading role to our school play. So while everyone was at recess, I "went to the bathroom", snuck into the class, and used the teacher's scissors to cut up the lead's hand-made costume. Was never caught, but the whole play ended up being canceled, and all of us were questioned.

5: I wore my sister's favorite shirt to school and got paint all over it during art class because all the aprons were taken. I lied and told my mom that a girl in my class pushed me into my canvass. We ended up having a meeting with the principal, and the girl I blamed never spoke to me again.

6: I convinced my entire 5th grade that I was a vampire. I don't remember the details, but I basically said that I drink human blood. The next year, everyone forgot except for my best friend, so I had to break the news to her. She was surprisingly very disappointed. I still don't know if everyone else knew the truth or if they were all playing along, but it was a huge ordeal for me, and I was probably the most popular I've ever been in school.

7: I had my period in the 8th grade and was too embarrassed to say it, so I told my teacher I had asthma to get out of track week. It worked. She didn't ask for a doctor's note or anything. The fact that I was fat back then was probably enough.

8: Art and Gym was on the 1st floor, while my other classes were on the third and fourth. So I used to sneak onto the disabled person's elevator and use it to get to class on time, because the hallways were always swamped, and I was tired of hearing my teachers complain that I was a few minutes late to my seat. One time I was caught, and I faked being a foreign exchange student so I could get a pass.

9: I cheated on all of my assignments. Every one. Especially in Math. was also a huge help.

10: I forced a teacher into retirement. She was a total b**** to me and my friends, so we all went to the principal and told her that she was drinking in class. It was never proven, but the rumors caught up to the other parents, and forced her to retire the following year. I feel a little bad about this one now that I'm older, but when I remember all the crazy s*** that lady put us through, I start to feel sorry for myself. F*** you Mrs. Carney, you self-entitled bible thumper from Carthage NY :c

Jun 21, 2021

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