Can I have a do over?

I would totally restart my life from the beginning and do it all differently if I could, Ok, Maybe not all of it but from......12 on.
Why have I been a used toy for so many in the course of my life, It started at 12 when an older family member started abusing me, A little freckle faced, flat chested girl and he had so many other cousins etc. to choose from but he chose me, I was summoned to a room and I don't even know why me and him were alone but he sat me on the bed and dropped his pants in front of me, I was like "uuuhhhh WTF" and over the next 4 years he abused me and one of my friends he forced me to bring over one time and it just kept going and getting more and more dirty, At 16 I told my mom and he was blackballed from the family and told if he ever contacted anyone in the family again his body would never be found.
That was good because it was over but it didn't give me any closure and my friend ended up hating me for making her be the one to join me. I begged my mom to move to the city and we did, I met a guy at 16 and started dating, Of course I chose the bad boy and he treated me like crap, Gave me drugs, Let his friends use me in front of everyone and then he would get mad at me after. 2 years of that and I walked in on him after a family wedding in bed with my mom who had gotten way drunk and he had her naked and was leaning over her coming on her stomach so I am 99.99% certain he had s** with her while she was passed out, That was the final straw and I threatened to call the cops, He left and I never seen him again, Also I never told her.
I had multiple jobs but at 18 I started having s** with my boss in the back room until his wife caught us and blasted me all over town, Like seriously, 150,000 people and she must have known 125,000 of them, I left at 19 and went to college, I slept with basically every guy who showed me any attention, By this point I was 5 feet tall, C cup b**** and heavily freckled, 3 tattoos and in the first year I slept with 24 guys and 4 girls, 2 of the girls were in front of people, I got naked and went down on one in an arm chair in front of a party while guys kept taking turns on me from behind sticking a d**** she had provided in me. The other was a sort of every party type thing, People would get drunk and just lead us to the living room and make us 6-9 and wack off on us and take turns banging us in front of everyone, It was nothing for me to wake up being banged or tagged by a couple guys once or twice a week and not remember the hours leading up to it.
By the time I met my husband at 21 my number was as close as I can tell in the 50's and I had finished my degree and moved again to a new city where I was bound and determined to start doing it right, I had gotten all the tests done, Went celebate and made it 2 months before I was flat on my back with a gorgeous man f****** me hard with a huge d***, Night after night, Day after day and wouldn't you know it he turned out to be a pig too, Went to a party with some new friends, Ended up in bed with my husband and one of his friends, My husband video taped the whole thing, 3 weeks later he f***** my best friend while I was beside her on my hands and knees doing stuff with her, 8 months of the 3 of us and the odd time me, Him and his friend and then he didn't want her anymore so we went out and he had me pick up a new girl, She lived with us for 6 months and then she met someone else, 3 months ago with me being 39 he had me pick up a 21 year old and she now lives with us and we all share a bed so pretty much every night one of us is sitting on the others face.
I live a life of luxury, I really do, I am provided for and provided for well, I really do get along great with my sister wife but sometimes it just feels like I am raising her and then we take her to bed and f*** the s*** out of her but this isn't the life I want anymore, Or ever really did.

Nov 29

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  • I know how you feel, I was abused by a family member who actually knocked me up, Thank god I had a miscarriage. My older cousin used to pass me around to her male friends from the time I was 15 and then it just got worse from there, I met my husband while I was dancing and that life style leads to a lot of drinking and drugs and wild s** and just finally now at 50 it is starting to slow down, I don't know if I am happy about that or not.

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