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I still feel guilty.
I met my half sister 20 years ago, We were kept apart for 9 years due to her mom hating our dad, We lived an hour apart most of my life and neither of us knew the other existed until my 9th birthday and my mom told me I had a half sister, My dad knew the whole time but said her mom denied he was the father but there were always rumors and finally my mom tracked her down and told her mom that if we were sisters she needed to admit it and since she was 18 it wouldn't matter now because my dad would have no recourse to try and force anything as far as visitation or whatever she was fighting against.
Such and awkward meeting, 9 and 18 but we sat and talked for a bit and then went for a walk and laughed and talked and really just hit it off, We truly and honestly became sisters that day, She called me all the time, We would talk on the phone for hours and she would come see me about once every two weeks or so. She came and seen me and told me she was moving away and going to college 8 hours away which made me sad but I was happy and excited for her and all the experiences she was going to have.
We continued to talk a lot on the phone and any time she came home she would come visit, She told me about all the parties and so on and obviously left out some of the...Hijinx until much later in life when the odd story would slip out after drinking too much but anyway. She never brought a guy back home with her until she was 22, I was 13 and they came strolling into the business my mom owned, I was there hanging out with my mom and although I was excited to see my sister my jaw probably dropped when the guy she was with stepped into the room, Right from the first moment I seen him it was like the world stopped and everyone in the place stopped and turned to look at him.
He is the blueprint they used when they created the term Tall, Dark and handsome. Like 6'3", I have no clue how much he weighed but he was very well built, Not muscular but had bulges in all the right places and when he exerted himself was when his muscular build showed. I remember being 15 and my sister and I sitting in lawn chairs at a campsite watching him chop firewood, Shirt off and the ripples every time he swung that axe, UGH, My sister burst out laughing at me and I was like "What?", She said "Did you even hear me?", I looked around and she giggled saying "I said, Wipe your chin, You're drooling", Obviously I wasn't actually...Well who knows, Maybe I was but she was teasing me for staring at him.
Fast forward through 2 more years of me drooling over him as he fathered my twin nieces and then the night my...Womanly urges got the better of me, Staying in a camper and I was sleeping on the couch folded out, I could hear whispering from the bedroom, I quietly turned around on the bed so my head was at the foot of the bed and I was able to see through a crack in the door, You have no idea how hard it is to be sneaky in a camper but I slinked out of bed and literally crawled on my hands and knees to the door, A duffle bag was blocking the door from closing all the way and at the bottom it was open an inch or two and I looked in. Ugh, He was standing at the side of the bed and my sister was sitting facing him stroking his huge ** and looking up at him, I was so scared of getting caught that I only watched for maybe like 3 minutes and after he was done with her sucking him and she pushed her back on the bed I was like (Aaaahhhhh, that's a bit too weird) and I slipped back into my makeshift bed but that made every time I seen him after that so much harder.
At around 14 I declared that I was saving my V card for my future husband, He was going to get the most pure woman he could imagine....Pffft, Yeah, that did not happen, I made it to 16 and changed my declaration to waiting till I was 18, I was going to hold out no matter what and despite my boyfriends best efforts I was determined. Oh yeah, I had a boyfriend when I watched my sister, He wasn't with but anyway, I was 3 months from 18, 3 months and he couldn't wait, Just couldn't hold off for 3 months before I would have given him my virginity but I walked in on him and my best friend, Her legs in the air and him shoving his pencil ** in her, Ok he didn't have a pencil ** but for my own spite I told people he did. Handjobs apparently weren't enough for him and he stepped out so....Angry, Upset, Hurt, Whatever, any girl reading this will know my feelings at the time. I went partying that night and was determined to say F U and make sure he found out I gave it to someone else.
Thank god the friend I was out with had the common sense to call my sister when I was puking and passing out leaning on a tree, I bet when her husband...Oh yeah they were married by that time, When he arrived I bet every girl there got a little damp in the ** hahah, He pulled up and stepped out of his shiny truck, I was rough but I remember some of it, I remember blabbering to everyone about him being my brother in law and not at all sneakily whispering to someone, I assume my friend about how hot he was and he was like "oookay, Let's go", He lifted me into his truck and I don't remember the half hour drive to my sisters but she said he had to carry me in.
I MADE IT...18 years old, Ok, My technical birthday was the next day but I was going out and not going to have ** till after midnight anyway so there I was, Virginity intact and I was gonna blow this out of the water, I was going to go out, Meet the most amazing guy and he was going to get to take the virginity of, If I may say so myself a real hottie. I was 18, 5'8", 130lbs and had a rockin pair of DD's, Pretty skinny otherwise now that I look back at pics but I had a rack. My sister was going to be my partner in crime and from the minute I admitted that I had made it to 18 without anything more than handies she looked at me and said "For real???, Oh **, We need to get you laid girl". Well, As it turns out we went to three different bars and she must have pointed out 20 guys, I danced with probably 10 and not one, None even made me excited for the possibility of being the one to cut the ribbon, Be the...Master of the opening ceremonies, THE ONE.
I sat in my cubicle, Staring out over the sea of potential "Fish" and she was like "Him", I scrunched up my face, She said "Him", I said "Eeewww he's short", She said "Ooohhhh here we go....Blue shirt", I looked at her and said "that's the guy I danced with that asked if I wanted to come back to his place and meet his wife", The ugly lights came on and that was it, I was done, I missed my one and only chance to have ** on my literal 18th birthday, I felt defeated and disappointed to be real honest, We waited outside for a cab with the group of drooling, Drunk slobs left over that no one else wanted, Cab showed up and we poured ourselves in and went to her house.
I don't know when my sister got so drunk but we got to her house and she was plastered, Couldn't find her keys, Had to knock on the window to wake her husband and open the door for us which was a mistake, That's where ** went wrong for me, He opened the door in a pair of PJ pants and no shirt, Looking like a god and we stumbled inside, My sister fell into the closet taking off her shoes and then stumbled off to bed and flopped down on the bed face down, I wanted to have a girl talk session but that wasn't happening so I went back to my room, I peeled off my clothes, Put on a pair of shorts and a tank top and wandered to the kitchen, My brother in law was standing there drinking a glass of water and I swear, If I didn't come in my shorts right then and there it was damned close.
I said something, He said something and I found myself on my back, Naked, Him on top of me rocking my world, OMG, We moved to the floor and he took me from behind, Missionary...I don't even know what else, Like 700 positions in my sisters living room with her kids down the hall and her passed out face down on their bed, I came like...Hmmm...87 times and he admitted to me later that he had come 3 times that night and when I asked he said First in you missionary Second in you from behind and the one I knew of on my chest, Face and in my mouth as I gagged on it and choked and just wanted to do good but to this day in my mouth makes me gag.
I gathered up my clothes and we went to the spare room, He closed the door and he took my clothe making me stand there naked as he caressed my body and explained to me how he had done me a service and that I couldn't tell my sister or I would destroy my sisters life which I actually feel is true but we kissed and I am certain if he could have gotten it up again he would have ** me more. I woke the next day and felt like I had a 300 pound person sitting on my chest, I felt so awful about what I had done and I stayed in the spare room for a long time, When I came out he was all normal and my sister was nursing a bad hangover. We had to force ourselves to attend a gathering that afternoon and afterward she had to go to her moms, I was to go to her house, Pack and head home, I got there, The kids were at daycare and her husband ** me for half an hour, I had the most amazing hangover ** and multiple ** and we carried on a secret relationship for 2 years. Eventually he came to me and broke it off, I was destroyed for a long time but have since gathered myself up, Met a man and me and him have smoothed things over, Although I will keep our secret for my sisters well being I still have tremendous guilt over it and maybe that is my punishment to live with every day...I wonder what his is.
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