Not cool

I never probably would have had this conversation with my son in law, I still call him my son in law even 5 years after my daughter passed away because he is the father of my grandchildren and honestly he is a good guy, We have had our differences and that's bound to happen but over all I have to say that he treated my daughter well, Gave her a great life and wonderful kids but we recently had a conversation I maybe should have just not had but it's been bugging me for 8 or more years.
20 years ago when my daughter and him moved in together they came to my house and gathered up a bunch of stuff I wanted to give them for thier new place and she took a bunch of her old stuff, They left with a trailer load of furniture, Dishes and random boxes that had been put away (I keep everything) and as luck would have it that is the problem with how we ended up here. About 10 years ago my daughter came to visit and came in the house carrying a rather large box of stuff, Set it on the table and said "This is NOT mine", I looked at her and said "Uh, Ok, Thank you" and just took it off the table setting it on the floor.
A couple hours went by and she kept looking at the box, I finally said "What is going on" and looked at the box, She said "You should have that in a safe or something", I paniced a bit and said "Uh, What are you talking about?", I grabbed the box and opened it and then slammed it shut and groaned "Oh s***". So...Before, During and after my pregancy with her I on and off dated an amateur/Semi pro photographer who's real name I can't use because some may recognize it but I will call him...Terry, We were in love for many years, Circumstances happened and I met her father through Terry and he happened to be with someone else at the time and I got pregnant, Her father was not a good man and shortly after finding out I was pregant I relaized my mistake (When he went to prison) and within months split from him, For around 15 years me and Terry were off and on then moved in together and then around the time my daughter was 10 he passed away.
Terry had an affinty for beautiful women but hey...It was the 70's, He photographed many beautiful women and there was a lot of wild years in there where he also photographed me, Terry picked up a contract for an...Adult magazine back in the day and he photographed a lot of women in that time frame for casting type photos and I worked with Terry many times as his assistant of sorts this was back when I was around 20-35ish and my daughter wasn't born until I was 25. Terry always wanted me to be a model, He pushed and pushed and I did do many photoshoots for him before, During and after my pregancy.
I am sure you know where this is headed but it gets worse, If I had just accidentally sent a box containing some naked pictures of me then ok, Awkward but not as bad as it could be, Instead what I sent was a box containing hundreds of pictures of women, Many who Terry and even some who I had helped recruit for photos, The magazine never did overly well and disappeared from ciruclation thank god but I had all the evidence that should have and now has been destroyed but in this box which I went through after she left was a plethora of pictures, I have a bit of OCD and I don't even know why but I spent 3 days organizing them on my kitchen table and running through the memories of each photoshoot I helped/Partook in.
I don't know why I have an obsessive compultion to organize but I went through and counted all of the pictures, Organized by model, then by year, then I got out my shredder, I shredded all of the pictures eventually but I started with models I didn't know and then I shredded each of the photos as I went through them. I started in 1971, My first photoshoot, Very sexy style, Some see through and some very provocative pics, Ok, Not so bad but it got worse, Obviously I knew what was to come but it didn't top my hands fom shaking as I opened each album.
The biggest problem was the pictures of me but...Also I had recruited many of my friends to do pics which wouldn't be awful but and some are...Still part of my life and the worst part is that he photographed a few of my family members. My younger sister, 3 of my friends and My best friend who married my brother, My cousin, and later on against my wishes two of my neices not for the magazine but (Boudiour style) for their husbands. Terry pushed and pushed and pushed me to do some...Stuff with people and I did many photoshoots solo but 3 with other men and lets just say I joined in many of the ones with women.
Mostly it was just posing and touching and kissing but in the more private photos is where I got nervous, I had spent most of a day shredding pics and was down to 3 albums I had set aside, they were Terry's personal collection which I was aware of but...The y each ad a theme, The first was all pictures before I was pregnant and included a lot of women I was related to including my best friend who is now my sister in law and mother of the two nieces he photographed and I had not had access to these until he passed and for whatever reason never did go through them.
Half an album of pictures of my sister in law over 3 years and I already knew but it was uncomfortable seeing the pics he joined her in but the worst was knowing my daughter had seen the ones I joined them in which were as I said out of his private collection and they were pretty raunchy and basically full on 3 way with a few of just me and her and lots of close up of us performing oral on each other. What I wasn't aware of was how physical he had gotten with her daughters who were both under 20 when he photograhed them so that was hard to see, I knew he had done a full on thing with my sister twice and just rifled through them quick as it was awkward seeing him have s** with her and shredded them.
So that album was awkward and embarrassing but it got worse.
The next album was all me with other people and a lot of my pregnant time which he was obsessed with, We had done shoots with other girls while I was pregnant and then he went through a phase where he wanted to see me with other men and then more than one other man, Oh my god I couldn't believe how much he had talked me into and that he had actually kept many of the...Behind the scenes pics, I couldn't believe I had done all that and many pics were other men putting it between my b**** which had gotten massive apparently he had a bit of a fetish for seeing me with other mens....Sperm on me.
The final album was the worst, It was all after my daughter was born, Right from my breast feeding years with what can only be described as Massive b**** right to the week before he passed and they had shriveled up to my current embarrassing chest. I couldn't believe as I went through how they had exploded, I was a modest B then ballooned to a D or DD and shrunk to an A, With that sort of expansion and shrinkage they had not faired well but he was obsessed with them, Some more pics of guys squeezing them together and finishing on my neck and face and b**** and other women worshipping them and lots of girl/girl oral, More of them after I stopped breast feeding and they had started to droop and then the last 3 pages were very embarrassing, I didn't realize at the time but I allowed a lot of pictures that were very....Degrading to my chest, A lot with women who had nicer b**** and a lot with guys stretching and pulling and just making them look awful.
So I had shredded everything, The entire box with the exception of the things that wouldn't fit in my shredder, You guessed it, VHS tapes, Some of you may not even know what that is but it was a recording of 7 of our interludes, A couple casting interviews all showing the finish with him(My sister swallowing and facial and my best friend a*** and facial and a couple others) and it showcased my entire lack of forethought in my earlier years, With me there was 3 FFM sessions, 2 MMF sessions 1 with him and one without, 1 session of me alone with toys in both holes, and the grande finale....an orgy with 5 other couples, All of who I still know and he made sure to video me with each person a lot of the time with multiples, Yup, That's right, Even a DP session.
So now after pullig the tape out of each VHS and destroying it, terry passing away, My daughter passing away I was left with one lingering thought. Had my son in law seen these, So too much wine, Driving home from a wedding he was my chauffeur I asked. I think he almost drove into the ditch but after some awkward coversation he admitted that he was the one who realized what was in the box while searching for some stuff my daughter hadasked him to look through for, I just sat staring out the windshield and eventually we got home and I went to bed. Not much to say about the time since except that if i could go back in time I may make better life choices.

Jan 26

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