I don’t know

I don’t know any more like I’m so sad all the time I’ve struggled with depression for 8 years but it’s suddenly so much worse I don’t go to school anymore and work a job that requires no human contact also I live mostly alone because my parents are always out for work so I am barely ever acknowledged at all pretty much so i constantly feel alone like why is my life so pathetic I went from being a straight a student in debate and wrestling to a depressed dropout in a matter of months no one even noticed I barely came to school so after a while I just stopped none of my friends have called or even text to ask what happened I do some of my work online and excuse my own absences so the cops won’t come for me but lately I haven’t been doing that either all I do is lay in bed I haven’t eaten anything but tea on rice in days because it’s all I can make because I haven’t had motivation to go out and get groceries it’s so pathetic I look like I’m about to die I was in good shape not that long ago it’s sad it’s probably because I tried to kill my self on new year’s but it obviously didn’t work which is why I’m probably in this situation anyway it was honestly a depressing attempt I took a bunch of Benadryl it should have killed me but all that happened is my body felt heavy my heart started beating really fast I thought I was going to die but I blacked out and woke up in my own vomit I know it’s so pathetic but that’s it pretty much I was weak for a couple days but I felt ok after that but noting else since since then I’ve started drinking again and I can’t remember when but I promised myself I wouldn’t so I don’t end up like my father but well that was again another pathetic attempt at something I don’t even think I should be alive no one would even notice I I died at this point I’m just so sad I can’t do anything about it I don’t know what to do I’m scared I could have had a good future but I f***** it up to far now i don’t think I can fix it anymore I spent my whole like working to have a better future but I can’t anymore I just don’t know how I can fix myself maybe I should just die now I’m to far gone to ever be back how it was I just wish someone had talked to me maybe I would still have a future mabe then I’d be still worth something but there’s nothing for me anymore I can’t get into college with my current grades I probably won’t ever be able to get into any ivy leagues anymore I spent my hole life making Sure I could but I can’t anymore my whole life was in the end for nothing why I just wish I could go back a couple months and try again maybe this time things would work out better maybe I could fix myself so none of this happens I honestly regret it all but there’s nothing I can do I don’t know what to do I’m done but no matter how hard I try I can’t bring myself to try to die again I just can’t whenever I try I just start sobbing I can’t I just wish I could I’m so pathetic I can’t even kill my self

Feb 17

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  • Everybody has regrets! Life is hard, boring, lonely and fun sometimes. I like the military idea. They don’t all die either, and it’s honorable. Sadly, all parents have to work now so they are busy or tired, but I guarantee you if you reach out to one on them and tell them this, they will make you a priority! You were meant to be here, better days are coming! Go get some life son!

  • Join the military. Nothing more honorable then losing one's own life while saving or protecting others. Serving others is FAR better than self-inflicted murder out of cowardice. Do something better. While serving, you will learn skills, habits, self-discipline and morals, that will aid you when facing adversity. Currently, most everything in the military has college transfer credits to it. So, when you get out you will not only have Veteran's preference and VA benefits, but money in your pocket and college credits under your belt. It doesn't hurt that a lot of chicks dig a man in uniform... just saying. It worked for me. I met her as a young sailor and now we are about to celebrate our 30th.

  • You sound like my 14 year old son which took his life last February. Him and I were a father and son team I raised him on my own as a single dad. Please if you need speak to someone you can email me DBriel302@aol.com my name is David. If you don’t want to reach out least reach out to a professional. You are worth it don’t even dare to think otherwise.

  • Try CBD oil for the depression. Make sure you take 100x the recommended dose though. Things will get better and you can rebuild your body. Success in life isn't always what other people and the media make you think it is. I'm a hobo but I'm a happy hobo, when I learned to put myself first and tell everyone else to F off. Don't kill yourself! I'll miss you man!

  • Practical advice: get a dog. You need to walk him, feed him, pet him. You will get a purpose, he will love u unconditionally and work your way up from there. You said i don't know what to do.. go to a shelter and adopt a poor b****** who needs you as much as you need him. Now u have a reason to go on ... then start building a support group of people you take care of and they take care of u.

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