Deviant preteen angst vol.1

I was always an unusual and somewhat socially outcast young boy. Sure, I had close friends growing up but there was always a strong sense of being bullied by the popular kids and completely ignored by girls for most of my preteen years.

My best friend who I'm still friends with today has a sister of the same age, she was the only girl in my class who would speak to me like a normal person. She was always exceptionally beautiful with her blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair. Her small b****** and slender waist began to take up more and more of my mental energy throughout the day, and before I knew it towards the end of seventh grade I was totally obsessed.

I know now that I probably could have just asked her to hang out, go for a walk, or just spend time with her alone and we probably would have had at least something of a preteen relationship which is effectively nothing but would have done wonders for my self esteem at the time. But all the feelings of bullying, being the outcast, the skinny, weird guy who didn't play sports. There was just no way for me to be true with my feelings for fear or rejection, awkwardness, and ridicule so close to home. So I never said a word.

All throughout eighth grade I never said a word, I watched from afar, and acted like an idiot in hopes she would say something. But she never did, neither of us did. This brings me to summer holidays between grade 8 and 9...

The mother of this family was the single parent to both my friend and his sister, they didn't get out much, but this summer they all went away for a week or so. I knew about this in advance but never really thought about it until the first night they were gone. But for whatever reason I snuck out late at night, walked through the woods, using the secret shortcut between our two houses, and used a small window i knew of that lead into an unfinished storage room in their basement to gain access. I walked into the basement where all of us would usually hang out and watch TV or play Xbox. I looked around and listened until I was sure I was alone and then I went upstairs.

So here i am, 14 years old. I had essentially broken into my best friend's house after midnight using trusted knowledge that no one else was allowed to know, but I wasn't done there. Carefully and quietly I walked down the hallway, peeking into each bedroom to ensure no one was home. First my friend's, then his mom's, and finally I peaked in and anxiously entered my preteen crush's bedroom. I will never forget the intoxicating smell of whatever combination of deodorants and moisturizers she used but I knew that i would make good use of this opportunity. Standing where I had never been able to stand before, but always wanted to.

I laid down on her bed, wrapped myself in her soft sheets and just breathed. The smells and feelings of this experience were so completely overwhelming, I took off all of my clothes and burrowed deeper into her bed. Where only her body had ever touched, now mine was touching as well. I thought so hard how it would be if she was here with me, it gave me my next idea. I got up and went over to her laundry hamper. I looked inside and to my utter delight it had lots to choose from, maybe even a week worth of clothes she had worn. All of these outfits I had seen her wear in school. Clothes that were so distinctively "her" i just had to feel them against my body, if only just to imagine the feeling of being closer to her.

I was laying her bed in her brightly colored room with my choice of her clothes all over my body and face. Her cute little panties laid across my face as I inhaled the sweet smell of her. "the only way I'll actually get here" i thought. Being the awkward skinny guy with acne and a history of being bullied, it was this or nothing. But despite what I had already accomplished in terms of deviancy, the thoughts and ideas kept flowing.

Curiously, I took the panties off of my face, and tried them on. Then a bra, a nice skirt that I always liked, and the softest top she had. To me, this was the next best thing to being with her. Now I could pretend to be her. I liked the outfit I had created, if I looked in the mirror without the head and face, I thought I looked a lot like her. I laid back down on her bed and continued to touch myself.

I imagined I was her, and the person touching me was (real) me. I lived out my greatest sexual desire as a preteen boy dressed up as a preteen girl. I knew how much trust I had betrayed to get there but it felt so right.

I did this many more times over the next year, I never got caught. Maybe someone was suspicious? I don't know how they wouldn't be. But nobody ever said a word. I'm still friends with the whole family, no one in the world knows I did this. I would marry the sister if I had the chance lol we're 34 years old now

28 days

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