I doubt i can trust my mum ever again.
Hi, im a male (23) and i have in the last 10/11 months tried to reconnec im a male (23) and i have in the last 10/11 months tried to reconnect with my mum(41) after leaving home and moving in with my now partner and her mm simply.
I think it would help to give you a brief history of the situation from when i was a 7yo boy when things started to go down hill between mum and me and the present day.
From an early age i knew things between my mum and dad were not great, rows and fights were a regular occurrence around the house and often i would get caught up in things. Around the age of 7 i started to notice that my mum was spending less time at home and more time out at work (this was her version of things at the time) leaving me with ad which to this day i have no problem with, and at first things seemed pretty good with mum and me, way from dad she seemed more relaxed and fun to be with, but this didnt last as with in the year she was going back to her old routine of working more and stopping out more often sometimes not coming home for a day or two, this resulted in my being looked after by a neighbour for most of the time. By the time mum and dad fiinally divorced i was 12 spending more time with our neighbour than i was with my mum and this was when i started top question what was going on. lack of proper answers from neighbour and my mum lead me to start acting out and becoming more resentful of her.
When i started going out with a girl from school thing seemed to get a little better for me as i would regularly spend time round her house and her mum was a very welcoming and caring person. At first i took mme a little bit to get used to her mum being a smoker since my mum was very anti and didnt allow smoking in the house by any guests, but over time i started to become quite interested in watching her smoke when ever i could.
One summer both my GF and her mum went away for two weeks on holiday , was quite surprised when on their return my gf was also smoking and openly smoking around the house with her mum, it wasnt long before i too started smoking with their help, partly becaus ei want ed to fit in with them and also because i knew it would ** my mumm off when she found out.
This took about 5 months before she did and to be honest i wasnt really expecting the backlash i got for it, where i ended up walking out and spending next 2 weeks stopping with my gf and her mum just to get away from the ** i was getting at home when ever mum chose to be there.
Things between mum and i deteriorated further over next year or so more so when i got home from school one day to find her sat with a guy and she told me he was moving in to be with her. Arguments became more frequent between us as from the start i didnt like this guy as i found him very creepy and could not stand to be around him and mum just seemed to do anything for him, christ after all the ** she gave me for smoking she started to let him smoke around the house which lead more arguments and to me spending more time with my gf and her mum.
Just before my 16th birthday i finally had enough and moved out and in full time with my gf and her mum before starting college.(GF and i are still together now and got engaged during winter of 2020 but covid had us hold off setting a date until things settled down and discovery that we are expecting our first child together has further delayed things till next year)
Things had gotten so bad between mum and i that i didnt speak to her or see her for several years after, in fact it was only late summer last year that i had first contact with mum in a long time and that was at the prodding of my partner and her mum trying to make me reach out and tell her about our engagement.
First time i saw mum was more of a chance encounter which lasted maybe all of 4 minutes as she seemed to distracted and not wantinmg to talk.
Next time i caught sight of her she was getting out of a car and lighting a cigarettes before walking off with another woman.
eventually after several more attempts to speak to her she finally agreed to meet me.
To say that the woman i sat down with was completely different to the one i knew growing up would be an understatement, first off it was clear she had had some cosmetic surgery over the last few years noticeably breast enlargement, her smoking which i would never have expected considering how anti she used to be was very heavy, the bigger shock was to find out she had two daughters and was expecting a third.
over next few months we would meet up and talk more and i got to learn more from mum about things and for a while she was happy to discuss things with me, like the older of my three sisters is the daughter of the guy she was dating back when i was 16 and she was already expecting her when i walked out, she freely admits she doesnt know who the fathers are of my other sisters, she also opely admitted to the fact that the guy she moved in to her house was one of the guys she had been having an on/off affair with since before we left my dad. she said she started seeing him more regularly before we moved out and they started dating properly not long after . it was also during this time that she lost her job due to their partying and her not turning up for work or being late when she did attend.
She said that he introduced her to a "fun new world" where she started drinking and doing drugs and even smoking socially with him and his friends, he also introduced her to escorting and prostitution, even going as far as saying the **, drugs and booze became more important to her than her own son and that he was all she needed back then. she also added that when i moved out she felt more relief than anything because she didnt need to hide anything from me any more and my continued lack of interest after for her was a god send.
She split up from the guy about 4 years ago but continued to live the lifestyle she had become used to, but got clean and sober just prior to covid kicking in and swore at the time she had not drank or used drugs since, she still smokes 2+ppd and continues to work as a prostitute and i took her word for it.
That was until today when i went to visit her and my sisters, i got there to find a couple of cars parked outside and when she answered the door she was semi naked and it was clear she was not sober not only as she drinking again but back to using meth, what incensed me even more was that the guy she swore she didnt see anymore was also their.
The creep was almost gloating in front of me and i lost it and punched him in front of mum before i gathered a few things together and took my sisters back home with me.
Have told my mum that if she doesn't buck up her ideas and clean up again i will make sure she doesn't see her girls again. Last thing i want to do is involve the authorities in all this but i will if i have younger sisters.
While i wasnt expecting us to become close like my partner and her mum are i at least hoped my mum was open and willing to at least build some kind of relationship between us. After today and her actions i very much doubt that will ever be the case.