Ghosted

B.W.F/W. (Wonderboy)
I hate that I've left you hanging, right after I told you I would be there for you. Months have gone by, and every single day I told myself I'd talk to you again. Majority of those days I cried, thinking of what you must be going through. I can't believe it's been almost 11 months. Almost a year. I am still so ** in love with you, nothing has changed. My phone broke and I haven't been able to find your number since. Around the 4th of July, I actually took a chance and sent you an email because it was the only contact info of yours I had, (from that night I sent you a video too long to send through MMS). But you still have me blocked on FB and I can't access old contacts to get your phone number.
I hope that today, I will have the guts to text your best friend's sister to see if I can get it.
I really am so sorry.
My real confession should just be: I am too weak to be with you. You're ** out of my league and it's embarassing that I've never noticed it before. I'd feel like I'm cheating you of what you rightly deserve: a funny, clever, thicc girl with her ** together that would make you ** with pride everytime she comes up in conversation. I promise you can find her, and maybe you already have by now. I'm sorry it couldn't be me, I was wishing I'd rise up to be who you needed, too. I love you. I miss you so bad it hurts. It's been hard to try to contact you again because the truth doesn't make sense ever since I ** iced out the world. I've been trying to find a way to make sense of my life and I have come up empty-handed.
This is my abbreviated warm-up, there's much more I must take accountability for {if & when} I finally get the minimal strength required to text you. I am intimidated by you and I think I need to work on it.
I want to be here for you.
I REALLY want to know you better. That'd make this much less stressful.
So if we can even be friends, maybe, even from a distance, I'd really be so ** grateful. I just feel like time is running out and I'm sickened at how much I've burned, and I can't waste another second.
♡