My gay self came out in Amsterdam but I keep it under cover

In my mid twenties I was stationed in Amsterdam. Amsterdam is an open city, pot is allowed and so is prostitution. Men and women talk about ** like talking about going to the park. Recreational ** is understood and accepted. But being an American I wasn't quite so willing. A man, Leopold, at the bank decided to take me down to the red light district.

I had never seen women show themselves off like that. He hired one to strip and let me get a good a look at her. She offered to give me a ** but I was too shy for that. Next Leo took me to another place, one where the men danced with men, where men gave **, not girls. He asked me if I preferred being there. I guess he took my silence for a yes, because he gave me the card to the place and a long list of warnings.

Don't have ** without a condom. If I gave a ** don't swallow. Don't get involved with guys in leather. Don't get involved with **. And to make sure I was prepared he gave me a ** and used lubricant and a condom and took my virginity. And don't kiss, he said. No matter how badly you want it.

I went to that place over the weekend and hung out against the wall. A man came over and asked me to dance and took me home with him. He was nice and knew I was a beginner and took his time with me and made love to me, with a condom because I asked for it. He kissed me while he made love to me and I fell for him. Don't kiss I'd been told. Leo wasn't very supportive, he had told me what to do and what not to do.

I never saw that man again, and spent weeks nursing my feelings. Leo gave me **, Leo ** me. Leo kissed me. He broke his own rule. Leo bought me tight underwear. Leo put girl ** on me. Me fed me his **. Until I fell in love with Leo.

I lived in Amsterdam from the time I was 22 until I was 25. I went there a totally neophyte and came back a well versed gay man. My feelings for Leo matured, he liked playing the field, and telling me afterwards about his adventures. He introduced me around to some of the older men, he knew that's what I went for. I liked being made love to, but understood that I had to participate first to get them to want to make love to me.

When I returned home I had to keep my gay side to myself. In my hometown there was nothing like Amsterdam. I was shoved into a relationship with a young woman who just finished college and worked as a cashier at the bank and we got married. I had a hard time having ** with her, it just wasn't in me. But I learned, and she went ahead to start a family.

I live a quiet life working for a bank and she is a homemaker mother. When the opportunity arises I go off to the home office in Amsterdam. I hook up with Leo and we go out looking for action. It's the only way I can get what I need, a man to **, a man to ** me. It's a need, believe me. And if we are not lucky, well Leo's there and I will ** his ** any day.