My first ** was with a prostitute

- I felt intense shame that I didn’t have a GF then so i thought of hiring a prostitute for **. I picked the one who advertised as GFE experience.
- When i reached, my heart my pounding so hard. I was feeling super nervous and i hadn’t good sleep a night before. I was excited as well to explore this experience.
- She asked me about why I chose this path. I lied that I have a GF but she doesn’t want **. Lol, I felt fear of being judged for being a virgin and i can’t lie well either.
- We started from french kissing each other. She was a very gentle and accommodating women.
- For me, it was super awkward being naked with another naked stranger. It was my first time as well.
- I kissed her breast and she complained that I nibbled too harshly. **, I felt like a child playing with her **.
- When she touched me, my body felt so tense sensations that i ** in a minute. It embarrassed me but she was so cool with it. Then, she waited for another round so we took a second turn to ** again.
- she was riding on the top but it was not working well for me. . i couldn’t feel like I am in her as she had a very loose **.
- We tried ** which was ok. I kept pounding her but i still felt irritated as ** was not like the ** at all.
- i was disconnected from her emotions that i was just focused on making good use of the hour we had.
- Later, we cuddled and she hugged me tightly. I felt so much intimate connection first time and we ended up with deep conversation about Philosophy which I am unsure how we ended up.
- She was an intelligent college student trying to pay for the education.
- Right now, I feel gratitude for that experience as I learned a lot about ** and decided to never hire again..
- Also, I had no idea of healthy intimacy back then. I thought it’s a good idea for having ** with a prostitute and not realizing how much unsafe it can be.
- I am forgiving myself for lack of wisdom & knowledge around ** today while reviewing my year. I am letting go of the shame.
- I learned about my insecure attachment style which explained which i feared intimacy a lot..
- I am on a path of learning how to create a conscious & secure relationship.
- Thanks if read this till the end.