Lack of Will

I'll just cut straight to it. I tried talking to people about this but I'm never taken seriously. I no longer have the will to deal with this world and will be removing myself from it this year. I just want somebody to hear me before i go and this is the only way i can think to do so.

Feb 6

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** games

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  • First, can you tell me the difference between a sweet dream, and a horrific nightmare?

    Life can be pretty brutal. The world's a sea of suffering, everywhere you look, it's never too, too far off- even for the more well off and generally happier folk. But, you know, the thing about life is, is it's kinda done for you. Look back to your childhood- good, bad, ugly, did you grow yourself from there, to where you are now? Was it something you had to put effort into, work all those cells so that they divided properly and transformed you from who you were into who you are?

    I sure didn't. But, hey, what will power was required? The only thing that's ever required is just to exist, and the rest happens for you. Every ugly moment, every beautiful moment, it's all done for you. Just go with the flow and realize that there was never any other choice but to go with it. Even sorrow, despair, hopelessness- these have their place, and when you experience them, it's for you to experience as sad as that may sound. Only you can live the life you live, and it's laid out for you to live it.

    If you ask me, the only difference between a dream and a nightmare is how it ends. You're in the middle of this far out dream, and it might seem like a nightmare, and that you want so quickly and desperately to wake up from it- but aren't you judging it a bit too early? I felt the same, for a very long time. Now I'm just along for the ride and experiencing life, good and bad, and withholding judgement 'til I see how it ends. I have no idea if my life is the sweetest dream or the most terrifying nightmare, but that's just since it hasn't came to an end yet.

  • What do you think lays beyond this life? What if you're wrong? What if you close your book before it's done and you miss the best part?

  • Last year I went to Mumbai and gathered all the tattered emaciated street orphans so these subhumans could see what compassion looks like. I fed and quenched about 60 street dogs and I forced the streetshitters to watch. Then I tossed a whole bunch of rupees into oncoming and they ran into the street to grab at the banknotes and I watched a truck send a whole bunch of smelly callcenter ** airborne at breakneck speed. Then I went to a Muslim restaurant and had a hamburger with steak and remarked to the owner that Ghaznavi and Aurangzeb and Tipu Sultan did the right thing in India.

  • ** yourself

  • Lost my step and fell facefirst into my shoe polish it painted my face black then I had to answer the door before I could wash my face and unfortunately a black guy was at the door I'm so embarassed and I might get cancelled over a misunderstanding

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