Mental health is depleting, I don't know how much longer I have.

Manipulative and controlling? Yes
Desperation for love? Yes
Chasing superiority? Yes

My ignorance towards the feelings of others and arrogance of my own has depleted my happiness and harmed the happiness of my friends.

My brain is pre-wired to make these same mistakes over and over and over and over again. Should I just prevent myself from contacting the people I value again for their best interests?

Loneliness will breed inside of me but removing myself from those I love will act as a precautionary measure so I don't hurt them anymore.

My 18 years of life and existence, I've been ignorant and arrogant to the point of naturally neglecting the importance of reciprocity and consolidation. The examples I've recalled in my life lead me to arguing that my friends are better off without me harming them. I'm really trying to think objectively here, but this is all I can think about. Anyone else would call this filtering,
but they haven't recalled the memories of my life.

I value virtuous friendships as one of the most important things in my life, and so does Aristotle. I, even Aristotle, believe internal happiness is the ultimate goal of many, including my friends. If I inevitably result in harming this goal in mind of my friends, with them only trying to be happy with me, do I deserve them? Do I deserve the enjoyment of being surrounded by friends even with the negativity I bring? No, that would be selfish of me; I've said I'm arrogant.

With philosophers such as Aristotle and many other people with expertise in the matter, pointing out the sins of happiness that I've committed, what choice do I have but to accept that I'm an arrogant, ignorant, and inept human who doesn't deserve the opportunities given to him.

I wish someone could come and save me. Someone could come and tell me that what I'm saying isn't true. Telling me that I'm only fixated on this point in life. Maybe this is my desperation for love I seek so much, evidence that I'm unwilling to change my traits of neediness and attention seeking.

The only term I've come to inherit over these past months: loneliness.

Life can only go downhill from here with these objective truths I believe. If only I held the ability to change the curse of my pre-wired actions, constantly harming others. I don't have the ability, and I've tried.

Whoever I decide to send this to will probably have plenty of answers, but I'm too much of a coward to uncover my anonymity. I'm too scared to point out my vulnerabilities, which others can just use to exploit my mind. Call it trust issues I guess. This only feeds the feeling I get of inevitability with the position I'm in. But it makes me feel the slightest bit better knowing someone read this. Whoever you are, thank you.

Oct 18

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  • I acknowledge that Socrates said "the unexamined life isn't worth living", and I believe that to be defensibly true, but like one of your earlier respondents, I think you may be carrying that impulse a bit too far. It's wonderful that you consider how you impact the lives of those around you (and I wish more people did that), but please don't allow it to become the defining characteristic of your life and personality. Let your own interesting and unique and appealing traits shine through. We need more people like you, and the only way to accomplish that is for you to be more present and evident in the world, not less so. Please don't hide yourself away! We ALL need you!

  • I wish you the best of luck my guy, but there is no hope for you, you are extremely Doomed. I hope your suffering ends and you don’t have to suffer no more in the cruel unforgiving world of ours.

  • You should NOT make a once-and-for-all decision to isolate yourself, for several reasons, two of which are primary. First, your judgment may not be particularly sound right now, and therefore, your handling of the separation from others --- and your interpretation of the results --- may not be reliable. If you truly believe you're losing your grip, please get in to see a counselling professional and get his or her input (sooner than later). Our perceptions of ourselves are often the most flawed of all our perceptions, because they are so biased or just slanted. Please don't try this on your own. I would be worried that you might misread the outcomes of your test and then take steps that will thwart your growth or healing, or permanently distance you from others: people you already know or those who you might meet. You have ALREADY made some mistakes in evaluating your status that will be hard to unwind (citing as "objective truths" certain things that are not objectively absolute, suggesting that you cannot change things about yourself that CAN be modified, and rationalizing your forthcoming estrangement as being what's best for those you plan to distance yourself from).

    Please do see a professional. If you've tried that and gotten poor results, find another. Your introspection and your inclination toward self-examination is a fantastic thing, and of benefit to you and everyone who knows you or who ever will come to know you. But PLEASE don't allow it to get out of hand by spending even nore time alone: that's when we can develop unhealthy habits, and self-criticism can quickly turn to self-denial and self-destruction. Your thoughtfulness and intellect are too valuable to drift off into the dark. In your position, you should be adding friends, not subtracting. Please schedule some visits with a professional for starters. I wish you well, and I will pray for you.

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