The one that I cannot say not to

I was an officer in the Navy, female officer with a deep secret. I had a girlfriend, on board. This was trouble with a capital T. But I was as incapable of not seeing her as to stop breathing. And she was an enlisted rank. With a troubled heart I gave up my commission and went into private life.

My love for this young woman faded with time and distance, and I set about getting a second degree, one more marketable. I did land a job with a major company and I was sent on various out of town projects. On one of those I met this woman who was a freelance reporter, otherwise known as starving artists. She was very intent and she was committed. I fell for her and she reciprocated, we had lots of fights as she was intent on being the dominant one in the relationship.

We had an opportunity out of he blue to go on a holiday. We were going to go and try to make it work. It was a tour with 20 other couples, and part of the style of the tour company was to mix and match parties. We ended up at a table in Florence with a middle aged couple, on their 25th anniversary. Engaging and erudite, they entertained us. The man kept looking at me, funny, the look that a wolf gives a lamb. I felt like a lamb, his look unnerved me.

He separated me when I asked to be excused for the ladies room, outside the small restaurant he told me he and his wife would like my company that night. His wife found me very attractive, in that way that a military bearing has on people. He would play cleanup, take care of both of us after we had our time together. I stood silent, amazed at such a proposal, not saying yes or no. He told me that the other girl wasn't welcome, she came across as an insecure blow hard. So make up my mind, and come over and he put the spare pass card to his room in my hand.

I literally started sweating, when I got back to the table my girlfriend told me I looked pale. We excused ourselves before desert and went back to the room. I told her what he had proposed. To my surprise she told me to go, I needed a good ** and I knew as well as she did that he was going to ** the ** out of me. She leaned on me and told me in a straight up manner, go get your ** **, then come back and tell me all about it.

The session lasted all night, she was hungry for me and I had to surrender and let her. He sat in the chair in the room and watched while his wife ate me, staring into my eyes while she did. She turned me over and massaged my ** cheeks and ate my back door. All the time while he was watching us. Then he pushed her aside and told her to sit back and he ** me, without warning, without warming me up for him, straight in to the hilt, knocking his ** against my ** cheeks. He came in a series of jerks, grabbing me so I couldn't move my hips away from him, he came and came in me.

I went back to my room to shower and get ready for the day, I briefed my girlfriend about it, she wanted intimate details of what I felt when he ** me. We dined with them every night after that, and they had me over for a nightcap, while my girlfriend waited in our room for me to get back. I got ** every night after that first time, with him jerking his ** inside me.

I didn't think about it at the time, but each day that passed I was closer and closer to being in season. When I got to those days of the month and I insisted on him pulling out, he gripped me and whispered in my ear 'Russian roulette'.

I went home from that trip, pregnant and over my feelings for my girlfriend. All I could think about was him, regardless of how much or how little his wife participated. Somewhere deep in my animal being he had tripped the wire that puts females in the males harem. I carried and bore my son for him, I presented him with a son. He held the boy up and welcomed him to his family.

My military bearing is all but gone, I am a home mother to my son and his siter. His wife and I have a close and intimate relationship, but sexual adventures aren't my thing and I don't participate when they have a young girl over. I deliver myself to him whenever he wants me, I've lost at Russian roulette twice already, he dispenses with the calendar, whenever and wherever, and Russian roulette makes his day, he plays it staring into my eyes and I hear the chambers click as his sperm invades me.

Feb 20

Next Confession

I was selfish

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