No longer attracted to my fat ** wife who doesn't even try

I feel guilty but I am no longer attracted to my fat ** wife. I am no big prize myself, but I think I hide my weight a little better being 6' 3" with broad shoulders. I kiss her and feel like there is just zero spark. We have been married for over 30 years. When she was younger, 17-30, she was a ** KNOCK OUT!!!!

We are both over 50 now and she is 5'6" to 5' 7" and at least ** 260 fat ** ** pounds, while I am 6'3" and 280. I am at least muscular but do have a belly I could get rid of with some exercise. So now, it is more about back rubs for her and always kissing her ** to calm her insecurities. while I just ** to **.

She is also always preoccupied and obsessed with other things like our grand kids and stuff. I sometimes feel like she just wants me here to stroke her ** ego and also because she is afraid of being alone. She is not just a fat **, but she also lets her ** hair get gray streaks all over when she could simpy get it dyed. She also ** walks around in front of me many times in baggy pajama bottoms and her hair looking a ** mess. While I shower, fix my hair, put on cologn and try to look ** and presentable. She just doesn't ** even try anymore. I sometimes wish I could leave her but feel like it would be mean and our adult kids would hate me. I feel so trapped sometimes. She also gets annoyed about blowing me and has an attitude like she is tired after 10 minutes of sucking, unless I have kissed her ** for 2 weeks with back rubs and hugs all the time with a million "I love you's" because of her insecurities.

I used to want her to talk dirty in the bedroom to help me get it up since I could at least fantasize about something else, now her ** fat ** complains about how she feels uncomfortable saying certain things anymore. It went from some dirty talk on the extreme side a year ago, to cutting out 95% of it today. They're just ** dirty talk words!!! It just keeps getting worse!

Some husbands into ** have their wives ** ** pouring hot wax on their ** and ** like that, some have them sucking other guy's ** in front of them and a camera, others have them doing bukakke, more extreme ones have them sucking off dogs and horses, and then others want to ** on their faces and have them drink their **. I just want the fat ** to talk dirty in the bedroom and now she won't even do that!!! BUT, she sure as ** wants me to be the great family man who ** goes places with her all the time, someone who entertains the family as the perfect husband, and wants us to look like the perfect ** couple! But will call me selfish! I am just really ** unhappy.

I am a pretty good looking guy. I used to cheat on her years ago, but then felt guilty and wanted to make things work. But the payoff now is feeling cursed to live out this life because her fat ** loves food way too much to attempt to look presentable to me and on top of that has become very ** boring in the bedroom. She hasn't let me ** her in the ** in about 18 years. Sometimes I feel glad I cheated on her fat **!

It was embarrassing when I met up with two friends I hadn't seen in about 5 years. They both had thin wives while I had a fat pig sitting next to me. Oh well, I guess I will have to keep pretending...

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