Best friend who disappeared is... back?? Maybe???

The best friend who broke my heart and disappeared on me has started answering texts and wants to meet.
I'm worried, maybe paranoid... Now what? More **?
But ever since the two-for-one trauma special combo (dead mom + best friend disappears), I have basically been dead inside for almost a year.
I wake up, I feel... nothing. Go to work, feel nothing. Lift, run, ** Duolingo lessons... nothing. Hang out with other people, try to date, nothing.
Just routine and structure, trying to keep it together, hoping normal feelings will appear again, magically, from the outside in. I'm not gazing into the abyss, I am the ** abyss. Hollow, soulless.
Then he was back, and it's like I was a real person again. It's a risky thing to hinge my emotional state on, but it is what it is.
If it turns out badly I am going to need ten million years of therapy. :(

Apr 12

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