Feeling superior to a person who has died
My first cousin was a college grad. Beautiful, intelligent and lovable. I was envious of her although when she got cancer I was devasted. The doctors wee unable to save her and she died in a slow painful way,
Despite myself when I looked at her face in her coffin I felt a sense of triumph. Not a good feeling though.
A very good friend who had also accomplished more than I have also died and I had the same feeling when I looked at him in his coffin. A third and final friend the same.
I loved and admired all three of my deceased friends and a relative but I can't shake the feeling that I won some sort of contest I was having with them. Its not right but that s the way I felt.