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Truth of existence
I love the world that God made, but living in this world is pain. I hate intrusive people, and fear death, but feel like the end is better than hope. Hope makes you want to believe, and when all that hope is destroyed, you are left feeling like a ** sucker.
The world we live in is ruled by the wicked one.
Expect pain, expect trials.
Remember christ said that those who chose to follow him would have to expect poverty at times, that they would be hated, end that life would be hard.
Have faith and stay strong. This current state of the world will end. Armageddon will come, it won't be late.
Think of it this way. When you die, all the pain and suffering that has occurred in your life will be gone and when you get to heaven, you'll experience happiness, love and joy from then on.
Let me give you some piece of advice here. Yes, you are totally right when the hope fails but ending yourself will not change anything. You’ll remain here with lot worse condition once you are dead. So, just exhaust the past karmas by living more and more. So the next life would be much much beautiful.