It's amazing where life takes you and who you find yourself surrounded by. You never know when you've met a stranger that will eventually become someone so special to you.

I've fallen in love with you, Gesi... and I don't understand why. It bugs me. You get under my skin. We get into misunderstandings over the smallest of things. I've never argued with anyone so much in my life. You're so hot-headed. Hot-tempered. Impulsive. You puzzle and frustrate me... yet I feel myself light up anytime I hear from you. Your messages and your calls matter the most. You are direct and straightforward. I don't have to guess with you, except for when you choose not to open up about your problems. You're honest and blunt and not afraid to be vulgar. Your voice is beautiful and the way you speak is unique. You have this gentle, vulnerable side that makes me melt. I love it when we can talk deeply and actually open up to each other. I love when we trust each other. I love it when we can be friends with each other - just giving each other a listening ear and support. I love when we can be naughty flirts with each other. I love how obvious we make it to each other that we desire one another even though we both try to maintain our composure. It excites me. You are transparent in your dealings with others and private when it comes to yourself, which I admire. Whenever we have problems, as much as I really don't like fighting because it honestly makes me feel sad, I appreciate the fact that you don't run away or disappear -- you confront the issue with me head-on until we resolve it. You never allow me to distance myself, you pull me back in, even when we're still upset. And if we aren't able to resolve it, we always find our way back to each other, even if it's begrudgingly. In a way, our conflicts brought us closer... we saw each other's ugly side, expressed our vulnerability, and we are still together, which is amazing considering we both have no problem burning bridges and most times we don't look back. However, we can't deny that we care about each other and that we want to stay connected. We can't deny this attraction we feel towards each other, yet we are also struggling to let go of our fears because of all that we've been through. All I know is that somewhere along the way I fell for you... I think it's because emotionally, you made me feel safe... and now I can't stop thinking about you. I even decided to take some time to myself, alone, so that I can let go of what I'm feeling, as I hope some distance between us would make these feelings go away... but I can't deny it anymore. I love you. I don't know what I want. You're right. I know that frustrates you. I know how confusing our connection is. I know that I make him complicated. To be clear, What I want is you... and I want us to actually have a successful relationship that lasts. I think we could do it. The hardest part of a relationship is dealing with conflict, and we do it well. But I'm so afraid... I'm so afraid... and I'm sorry. I have these strong feelings for you that feel so intense I don't know if it's even normal and you are so far away... am I being delusional to think this could work? Are you? I ask myself why I feel so loyal to you. I can't explain the way I feel because to me it doesn't make sense for us to care about each other so much, yet we do. Right now it's enough just to have you in my life... Just your words, your voice, your laugh speaking to me, as you tell me about your life, tell me about your day... that's all I need right now. Your presence. Your company. Your understanding. Your patience. While I sort things out with myself once and for all. Thank you.

Jul 9

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I Think My Boyfriend Is Gay (or Bi)

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