The Chrysalis

Well my confession is that my mother started to crossdressing me as a baby,allow me to explain::
About two years before I was born,my mother had a girl and both her and my dad was very happy,they had a baby shower for that beautiful baby girl. Three months later it died of SIDS,my mother had a serious nervous break down and the doctor told my parents not to have anymore children for a couple of years.

Now our entire family was poor and back then my father was earning a whole $3.75 an hour,so most things were recycled including...clothing.
My mother proceeded to dress me in the girly baby clothes.My attire always consisted of some kind of girl clothes,like **...etc and because we were poor my mom made most things. She started dressing me fully as a girl,yes you guessed it ,on Halloween. The first time it was as a **, she put pink ** on me,a garter belt and stockings a dress,make-up and a wig and took me too a party organized by a group of neighborhood ladies, I won a prize for the best costume.

She said see,I told you you won because you were so pretty,we are going to have to let your hair grow longer,lucky for me it was the style then.

My dad was a truck driver and drove coast to coast then so he was not home alone,before he would leave, he would say" remember your mom is not completly well so do what she tells you ok" and I did.
Everything was as usual except for when I started grade school my mom used to dress me in ** instead of boys underwear,this confused me. One day in the boys washroom I saw my best friend with ** on too, I could not say anything and just pointed and he nodded and looked down,so I pulled up the band on my ** and showed him,to that he smiled and a look of relief came over his face.

On my 11th birthday my mom took into her bedroom and gave me a bunch of boxes, she said mommy saved a lot to get you these special birthday presents,I was so excited knowing that money was hard to come by then and she bought me a bunch of presents.
I opened the card, on on the cover it said Happy Birthday to my special Daughter.Hmm,then I opened the smallest box and it was 5 pr of ** of different colors and materials,some lace,some silk...etc...then the next small box was tights,two pair of white ones. The last box I opened was a couple of dresses.Ok so now what, mom leaned over and said remember that costume prize you won,well this is going to be just like that only better, and then she said for the first time, do you want to be mommies special girl? Remembering what my father said about my mother,I nodded.
So she sent me to take a bath, and then dried me off and handed me a pair of white lace ** and told me to put them on,then she helped me into a pair of the white tights,then led me into her bedroom and sat me down in front of her make-up mirror.I sat there for the better part of an hour while she made me up. after the make-up she proceeded to style my shoulder length hair.

Looking into the mirror the more my mom made me up the more I looked like a girl. Soon I began to enjoy it and my mom seemed happier. On occaision close to Halloween my mother would dress me up and tell my dad she is just making sure my costume fitted, he would say something like looks like you will win another prize this year.

At sixteen is were everything changed drastically, my mother said its time for you to be a man and threw out all my outfits she bought,the ** and there would not be anymore "Halloween costumes". That really messed me up, I went to the Halloween party without any costume and too my surprise one girl said what no girly costume this year? I said no,not this year. She grabbed my hand and said my parents and older sister are gone to the cottage for the weekend so lets goto my place.
After getting there we raced up the stairs to her bedroom, she said lets have our own Halloween party. Her name was Carol and she pulled out of her drawer a pair of pink cotton **,white tights, then into her closet removed a white blouse and a squirt laid them on the bed and said "put them on".I did and then she asked me don't they feel nice,"better than those nasty boys underwear you have on".An hour later my hair was done and make-up was put on and one more thing my nails were done.
She stood me up and said see how pretty you are,you make a prettier girl than a boy. There I stood in front of a mirror really looking at myself and really enjoying it,feeling like the whole world was right for me.
As I got older and started dating,it seemed that most of the girls I dated knew about my secret and would end up transforming me into a pretty girl.

The older I got the more intense these sessions became, I would be spanked for not behaving myself,then as a reward would be dressed as a girl and on a few occasions taken shopping to buy some clothing.

At this point in my life I feel very confused, I feel very different on the inside than I look on the outside.I even went to the length of letting myself go and getting fat in hopes that nobody would want me, because of this I suffered severe depression and thought about "ending it all" .

I have difficulties dealing with everyday life but manage to have a reason to get up everyday.
For now I dress in my apartment to relax and feel right about the world.

Now I know some of you might be wondering why I titled my submission as The Chrysalis, well it is a stage in the life of an ugly caterpillars life where it changes into a beautiful butterfly