careful what you wish for

the father of my children and i split 5 years ago. i never worried or cared about finding anyone new. really, i never did. the thought of becoming one of those desperate over 30 needs-a-man types repulsed me. i never did become that girl. i look at myself today, and yes, for all intents and purposes i am the furthest thing from that. in fact, i have no desire for any man at all. not in the whole wide world. isn't that awesome? not really. somewhere along the way i broke myself. no idea how, when or where. i'm incapable of that sort of longing anymore and i'm not getting any younger. way to jump from the frying pan into the fire. all the equipment works but i'm emotionally frigid. yay me.

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  • It happens. I was dating a woman for awhile who, while one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen or been with, was just so emotionally torched that she really didn't know how to be a gf or partner anymore. Wouldn't take compliments, ran herself down too often, wouldn't even change her nail polish color, because "that's what I like and nobody cares anyway".

    I'm still very good friends with her, even took her to the ER last month, but, getting anywhere close to her in a relationship manner, as I learned before, was like pulling teeth with a butter knife. If she were to warm up a bit, sure..I'd love to be with her again, long-term, maybe for good. But I don't see it happening based on her emotional state.

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