Still stupidly angry at you.

For over two years, I had a crush on a guy that I knew since kindergarten. Every time I saw him, I tried to send all the right signals; sometimes he appeared to reciprocate, but other times he seemed to be on a different planet. In my eagerness to see only the good in him, I attributed this to social awkwardness--and even thought it was cute at times.

My friends advised me--and I also thought--that I was doing the right thing in waiting for him to make the first move. After more than a year, however, he never made a move. I began to grow frustrated, and I made the decision to move on.

Three months later, he told me he was in love with me. But by then, I was angry, frustrated, and conflicted. I had a better understanding of who he was--particularly his extreme indecisiveness and social insecurity. In light of these discoveries, I told him that I was currently not interested in a romantic relationship with him, but felt as though I had invested too much to lose his friendship entirely. He accepted this, and expressed that he too wanted be my friend.

After I left for college, he didn't contact me for over six months--a sharp contrast with our almost continual communication through letters and email the year before. During this time, I severed myself emotionally from the friendship, concluding that he was no longer interested in me. I was angry that a person in whom I had invested so much time and emotion could cast me off so easily.

Though I no longer have any romantic feelings toward him, I am sad I lost his friendship. But more than sadness, I feel anger; I wasted two years of my life on someone who doesn't give a damn for me now.

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