I've always known I loved him but I thought it would be easier

I'm married. Completely in love with my best friend, who is also married. I thought I was being responsible all those years ago, when I saw our potential compatibility problems and decided not to pursue him, I thought I could be happy just being his closest friend forever. I don't know that it's love for him but I found out what id suspected all along, that he wants me too, and idk if that makes it worse or better. I thought whatever his reason was for not being with me, it would be too little too late when he confessed but... it's the same reasons I had, so how can I even judge? I've seen him slip up and almost have affairs with other women before and the guilt has always consumed him even though nothing really happened... My husband would understand, and maybe his wife would forgive, but I don't think he could forgive himself. We've had heated moments but never crossed a line. I either have to go my whole life without ever making love to the love of my life or I reduce my position in my best friends life to that of a mistake he once made, and probably lose him. I know the right answer, but I always try to do the right thing, and that led me here. Im known for being a really selfless person, I don't see myself that way but other people do, and I don't want this to be the one thing I ** up but the older I get the harder it is to stare my desires in the face and know I could have it and not take it. I'm a bad person, I know that because if I weren't I wouldn't have gotten married to a good man knowing I love someone else, but I didn't want to be alone forever either. I have an amazing life, on paper everything I've ever dreamed of, but I think I'm going to ** up and lose it all.

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