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Alcohol is my only save space
I've always been an outcast. I've never fit in anywhere. Always the third that walked behind, always the quiet one in groups. I moved across the country and I found friends, but something keeps missing. Every time when we go out to have a drink with my friends I always await the moment in which the buzz of alcohol would finally calm me down. Now i think that I can barely function without having a drink first. I know that i'm falling down a spiral but i can't be bothered to quit when i know how bad i can get when I'm sober. It's getting to the point where i must get drunk every evening otherwise i can't sleep or study. I've been carefully hiding this habit but secretly I hope somebody would notice and ask me what is wrong, even if I know I wouldn't be able to tell them. Every time I put a stop to it within a week I'm reminded of why I begun in the first place and I get blackout drunk and go into a peaceful sleep. I don't know what to do anymore. If I stop I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt myself.
May 19
Well, the first thing you should do is have a drink. That will get you in the right headspace to think about it. Then should have another drink because they are wonderful! And then you should buy me a ** drink because I’m thirsty.
You sound Irish