Rubbing one out over J. Meyer

Good friend and I attended a Christian Ministry convention hosted by Joyce Meyer back in 1990's.
Jeff, my friend who obtained the tickets was so excited they were in the first five rows.....I wasn't all that enthusiastic about being up close and center....but I wasn't going to make an issue over it.
Finding our designated seats we settled and focused on the brochure provided.
Now these seats were more or less what I call the orchestra seats cause we were at eye level of the stage, one would need to croon their neck to see the face of the person appearing on stage.
So event starts and the very conservative Joyce Meyer is introduced and we all stand and applause.
Seated once again....my eyes were drawn to her heels and legs.
Very little leg showing and very conservative navy blue pumps.
The whole entire message was a blur to me, all I could do was stare and fantasize over her feet, hose and heels.
I got to admit Ms Meyer is a very perceiptive woman because she caught my eyes gazing at her legs and she gave me an annoyed look, followed by a snap of her fingers.
I couldn't help myself, running scenarios in my mind on how to go about complementing her on her apparel....or just blurt out that I wanted to kiss and inhale her foot fragrance after the conference !
By this time I was playing a serious game of pocket pool.... oblivious to anyone around me..I was about to bust one right there in the second row.
I remember the heavy breathing and just above my breath I moaned Oh Joyce ! Umm ! May I offer a foot rub after the show ? ..Oh Joyce....I've got to worship your Divine feet and smell your very ripe feet and hose ! ! ! ...by now I was hearing myself audibly and as I shot a load in my shorts I let out a request.... "Ms Joyce Meyer, how many I serve you ?"
Jeff along with a few surrounding me stopped and stared in shock over interrupting this stately woman of God.
Joyce then stopped to chew me out telling me how she ought to drag me up on stage and paddle your behind in front of the whole audience. Like a smart-** I remarked.
"Please do Ms Meyer, I'll lick your heels afterwards"
Those who heard my comment chuckled awkwardly.
I noticed how the sticky ooze now soaked through to my beige khaki's. I was nearly the last one to exit the autorium.