I hate myself for the inelegant way I move through life

I hate myself because I am whiny, petulant, ungraceful, ineffective, and most of all creepy.

There are specific reasons why I'm creepy, for example the extremely disgusting sexual fantasies I experience. Those are probably the biggest factor. But along with that, I'm also creepy in a more subtle way:

The way I whine about everything,
the way I'm so awkward in my conduct - not in a cute dorky way but in a grotesque stumbling way,
the way I have emotional outbursts and write long emotional emails that hurt my cause more than help it,
the way that I fail to stand up or show up for people when they need me,
they way I'm just ineffective in general - I don't achieve results - I don't win.

All of that is horribly creepy.

I'm neither gentle enough, nor assertive enough. I'm not bold, decisive or powerful enough to be a traditional man, but I'm not gentle, calm or harmless enough to be a cute nerdy pet either. I'm just in that creepy zone somewhere in the middle where I try to be nice and inoffensive but I can't quite manage it. The worst type of man. The worst type of human.

I just hate the overall lack of grace of my existence. Everyone has their thing that they do with graceful efficiency and precision. Cats hunt, deer clash antlers, rabbits run, scientists experiment, actors act, even murderers murder with their own weird sense of confidence and stability. But I am just a mangled, half formed entity, with no such grace or clarity of purpose.

I feel deep, fiery anger towards myself for being such an affront to the natural order.