Whats wrong with me?

I was in a horrible relationship. It was h***. Pure h***. He hit me alot. Broke an arm once, by pushing me down stairs. Broke a toe that time too. Countless bruises. I was kept on a very tight and short leash. He went with me everywhere I went. He never worked, and I guess you could say refused to. I make a good income, and he was dependent on me. I paid for everything. Everything. I was nervous thinking about taking my kids to buy new clothes or something they needed cuz I knew he would want something. And if he didn't get his way he was destructive and violent. I had beautiful furniture that I loved. He broke some of it because he knew I loved them, broke doors, and put countless holes in the walls. He didn't get along with my 10 year old daughter, and her neither. He always wanted me to discipline her for dumb things. Him being there made her life h*** as well Im sure. He would steal from me. I once hid my rent money away from him, just for fear that he would steal it, and he stole it to teach me a lesson not to hide money from him. Every single thing set him off. I hated waking up in the morning because I knewsomething will set him off very shortly. If I didn't put sweet peppers on his sandwich, or ordered him the wrong food, or didn't put his toothbrush away, or if I jumped in the shower before he did. At the end I couldn't find the strength to fight anymore. I just cried. All i did was cry. Which made him mad. The last house where we lived, he destroyed and wrecked it so bad that it was condemned, and left us homeless. Had to live in a womens shelter while he was in prison. He's in prison for breaking my arm. He gets out in March. Now I have a beautiful home that Ive had to pray for and be persistent as h*** to get me and my kids out of that shelter. Im talking to him on the phone again. I know where it'll lead. Most likely we'll be together again. Before he went to prison he got my name tattooed on his neck to prove he loved me. Hes a very passionate person. He loved me just as hard as he did when he was hating me. To "I cant breathe with out you" to "you are the air that i breathe" type stuff. He would constantly fill me with kisses and I love yous. Not to mention the best s** I ever had. Even everytimt he rolled over in bed he'd tell me he loved me. Whats wrong with me? Im not ugly, and can get anyone I want. So it isn't about self-esteem. Its just no one ever loved me the way he did. I need help. I must be a sick b****. Some would call it "dumb b**** syndrome." i don't know. im afraid to talk about it with my family, because they know now what was going on.

3 Comments

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  • It is a toxic relationship. He realized that you are his only hope and had it pretty good with a sugar-momma. Leave for good. F*** abusive 'love'.

  • WOW, this is the kind of s*** they make HBO movies out of.
    You need to get the h*** out of this relationship immediately, if you still can.
    It's only a matter of time before he kills you and possibly your kids too, especially your daughter.
    Get a restraining order, sell you house, move and DO NOT have any more contact with this freak.
    If you don't, you won't be around to write anymore confessions on the site.............but one of your surviving kids may.

  • face your fears..(2TIMOTHY VERSE 7) go to your family, girl let me tell you as a single mother dont let no man take your power away, you have lil ones and theyre watching and evaluating, they will grow up disrespecting you and turn out like him, your daughter will turn to men like your guy cuz mommy settled for it. GOD blessed you with a nice home and he knows your heart, please my heart goes out to you and them kids, don't get back with him, you'll loose your blessings, you do have low self esteem, you do need help and yes you are mentally sick, PRAY and give it to the lord, let him work it out stop talking to that jail bird, he's were he need to be, trust me you'l loose every thing if you take him back, love your self and put your kids first. what will you do if he start raping your daughter? you better start thinking girl and control it while you can..MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY! I PRAY YOU GET SMART.......

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