I am a murderer

I spent 5 years of my life thinking that I was doing something big and important. While serving in the military, I never thought that I was fighting for "freedom" or protecting tha nation form some horrible evil; I just thought of myself as one guy doing his job like everyone else. After spending several tours in Iraq and Afghanistan I continued to see nothing change, nothing improved. We'd go out on our patrols, we talk to people, every now and then engaging insurgents, but nothing would change.

Now that I am home, I run into people who occasionally "thank" me for my service. Thank me for what? For going to another country and killing its people in the name of something that doesnt exist? I, like the rest of this country was duped into thinking I was doing something for the greater good and what did we get? If youre asking what my confession is, it is that I am a murderer, the only "difference" is that myself and others had the O.K. from the government.

I should be jailed, or removed from this place. I cant stop thinking of how many lives I took or how stupid I was to fight in a pointless war. Now what I have left from the war is a collection of memories, some of friends that have passed, others of terryfying moments of my life. Some of you will call me out, calling me unamerican or whatever you like, and that's fine, youre entitled to what you want, I really dont care.

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  • Just move to Canada. No one here supports that stupid American war.

  • Maybe a branch like the Coast Guard is better for you. Saving lives, searching for people in trouble. Chase down drug runners. P*** off some pirates.

    Rather than stomping through dusty squalid living conditions hoping you don't get cut down by the uncle of a vengeful mom who's 3 kids were splattered earlier in the war. You'll have a mostly peaceful mandate. That is until b****** like Bush pull coast guards into military duties... oh. I guess you might not be safe anywhere.

    Try the postal servic... oh s***, forget that.

    Maybe just protect us civilians. Federal security? Like a guard outside of a courthouse or some federal building. Who knows what could be waiting for you. Boredom. Sweet peaceful boredom.

    This is rambling, but best of luck to you.

  • The 'wars' are illegal as they have not been declared formally or otherwise. Congress has abdicated their legitimate authority to make our Presidents a king; one man/office has the power to wage war. The OP has a legitimate b****, but not the illigitimatacy of being called a murderer for his actions. This is important. The field soldier as the OP is- if he acted honorably in the fullfillment of his duties has the legitimate honor of fidelity to service despite the fact the legitimate civilian authority failed to define the objective or formally declare these unjust wars as required by the Constitution he has sworn to uphold.

  • I can empathize with you, I won't go into politics or debate on what justifications there are for war, but it's human nature to defend yourself when someone else is trying to murder you and that's exactly what those insurgents were doing. So don't feel like a butcher if all you did was protect your own life. It's not like you carpet-bombed a village or something.

    Have you spoken with a counselor or chaplain? Take whatever comfort there may from the fact that you are not alone, there are thousands of fractured souls like yours out here...

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