Weird or not???

Well i dnt like having s**...its just not my thing. I feel really guilty afterwards. i think it may be due to the fact that im slightly intimidated/scared of guys because of some bad experiences. All my life since 8yrs old i have encountered sexual abuse, im 17 now. but i just feel like nobody will ever truly love me for me, that they only want my body. I lost my "virginity" a year ago to my first boyfriend, and i hated it. I loved him and i didnt know how to tell him that i didnt want to do it. i was scared to tell him no also. im just scared to tell guys kinda scared they will hurt me....:( i feel stupid

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