I had a miscarriage.

This time last year, I discovered that I was pregnant and had a miscarriage within the space of two weeks. I hadn't managed to tell my boyfriend that I was even pregnant, due to the fact that we'd literally just moved in together, and he was so stressed. I let him believe that I'd just had a really late period at the time of the miscarriage because I just didn't know how to bring it up.
I tried to tell him a couple of weeks later, but in the discussion, he confessed that he was upset- he had partially hoped I was pregnant. So I kept the miscarriage to myself. I didn't want him to hurt anymore than he had done.

I've thought of it sometimes, particularly around April, when our baby would have been born, but I've not dwelled on it too much, until recently. It's been a year, and suddenly, I can't stop thinking about it. I want to cry all the time. I can't help wondering what he or she would have been like, or if it was my fault. I'm weirdly afraid that my baby blames me, or that my boyfriend would blame me if he knew.

I can't keep thinking about it alone- I need to tell him, I just don't know how. I'm too afraid.

I let you both down. I'm sorry.

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