No one will ever understand. That's why it's here.
I'm in my late teens with a stuttering problem, and up till now I never dared to admit how much the problem is affecting me, especially emotionally.
Sometimes, I wish I could just lock myself up in my room and not talk to anyone. I die a little inside whenever I stutter on words and people look at me funny wondering what's wrong with me. I hate the people who imitates my stutter and very often, if not for some remains of self-control, I would have committed murder many times over. And whenever I observed how the rest of the world is normal and could communicate so fluently, I wish that I could just kill myself to bring myself out of my sufferings.
I never once talk about my problems to my friends (thank God for them) because I'm the one they often look for when they have problems and I feel that I'm staying strong for them if they ever need my support. But truth is, I feel like shouting at them and breaking down in front of them just to show that their life can never be as bad as mine. I'm appearing strong outside for them, but inside, I'm breaking down everytime.
I'm breaking down more often now. I'm at an age where I'm concerned about my future. I wonder what kind of girls would date someone who stutters, who might not be able to profess his love for her. I'm worried about the jobs I have in the future, because stutterers cannot communicate efficiently.
So often, I'm on the verge of doing something erratic, maybe kill someone, then kill myself. I don't dare to admit it, but I never felt so alone and isolated from everyone; no one knows how it's like to be afflicted with such a curse. I guess I just need to know that there's someone out there who cares.