No one will ever understand. That's why it's here.

I'm in my late teens with a stuttering problem, and up till now I never dared to admit how much the problem is affecting me, especially emotionally.

Sometimes, I wish I could just lock myself up in my room and not talk to anyone. I die a little inside whenever I stutter on words and people look at me funny wondering what's wrong with me. I hate the people who imitates my stutter and very often, if not for some remains of self-control, I would have committed murder many times over. And whenever I observed how the rest of the world is normal and could communicate so fluently, I wish that I could just kill myself to bring myself out of my sufferings.

I never once talk about my problems to my friends (thank God for them) because I'm the one they often look for when they have problems and I feel that I'm staying strong for them if they ever need my support. But truth is, I feel like shouting at them and breaking down in front of them just to show that their life can never be as bad as mine. I'm appearing strong outside for them, but inside, I'm breaking down everytime.

I'm breaking down more often now. I'm at an age where I'm concerned about my future. I wonder what kind of girls would date someone who stutters, who might not be able to profess his love for her. I'm worried about the jobs I have in the future, because stutterers cannot communicate efficiently.

So often, I'm on the verge of doing something erratic, maybe kill someone, then kill myself. I don't dare to admit it, but I never felt so alone and isolated from everyone; no one knows how it's like to be afflicted with such a curse. I guess I just need to know that there's someone out there who cares.

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  • I was also a stutterer. Sometimes I still have trouble with certain sounds or I repeat words, but it is not anywhere as bad as it used to be. I never saw a speech therapist, but I can tell you what helped me.

    1. I came up with different ways to say what I wanted to say. If I had a problem with the "d" sound at the beginning of a sentence, instead of saying "don't do that" I'd say "I don't think that's a good idea." I also was forced to severely increase my vocabulary because of this, which is sort of an awesome side effect.

    2. If I felt particularly comfortable with someone, I'd practice my problem sounds in normal conversation (with my mom, for example). This helped me to not "think about" my stuttering. I often found that when I wasn't fearing to stutter, I wouldn't. And when the words came out, my muscle memory slowly got used to saying them. This made it easier to do it normally.

    Do you know the guy that played Xander on Buffy the Vampire Slayer? He was stutterer. His way of getting over it was acting, by becoming another person, a non-stutterer. On that vein, maybe trying to think of yourself as a non stutterer could be a beneficial activity. I've also heard singing can really help - because the speech is not punctuated, and everything flows together, it might help you with your struggle. If you can't or don't want to take singing lessons or join a group (choir, chorus, whatever), try singing in the shower or the car and see if that helps you.

    In terms of getting a job, any employer that is going to not consider you for your problem is going to be a nasty employer anyway. If you feel like your skills have developed in such a way that they are more suitable for non-public positions (writing, working with your hands, art, computers, etc), work on developing those skills. And if you are in an interview situation and know you are going to have trouble, don't try to hide it. Whether you want to mention it or not, don't be ashamed of it. It's just you. If you had a 2-inch mole on your nose, would you keep your hand over your face in shame? Probably not. You are so much more than your stuttering.

    And I know it's easy to say, but try not to let a******* who make fun of you get to you. Yes, you're an easy target, but you don't have to be. Seriously, they're making fun of you for a speech problem? And you care about what they think? You care about what cruel, shallow people think? There are TONS of people out there that aren't going to judge you. You say you don't want to open up to your friends because you want to be the strong one - well, open up to them. Venting will release so much of that anger and tension and pain, which will not only make you feel relieved, and strengthen your bonds with your friends, but it might even result in you feeling less anxious, which will definitely have an affect on your speech (stuttering being a by product of anxiety).

    Best of luck to you!!

  • I hope the original poster was one of the sixty some views on this confession. Do not be afraid. Continue onward with vigor in your life. I wish I would have taken more than the two required speech classes in college. Perhaps you can learn from this. The more you get out there the easier it will get. And yes, people are cruel, but the only thing you can do is to get on the path of self improvement. Life can be good, but for some of us it just takes a little more effort. But, guess what, once we get there it makes it all the sweeter. Also, Toastmasters is another excellent organization to be associated with. They wrote the book on self improvement. Good luck!

  • I am the one from the first comment. I should clarify that the treadmill thing should be done about one-half hour, twice a day for maximum benefit. In addition, about every fourth day you should not do it to allow your throat muscles to recover. In addition to repeating your name you could also read a book, or whatever, just so long as you slowly excercise your voice to relax the tension. I chose the repeating my name method myself because I had a hard time pronouncing my name when introducing myself to people or to a grooup. It is the pits I know, but you can get better with the therapy outlined, and do not forget to contact your local university, or perhaps your school speech teacher may be a therapist as well. Talk to him/her for some advice. My therapist was a young lady in South Dakota.

  • Contact your local state college or university. Most will have a speech therapy program. Many will have a therapy program which may allow you to work with graduate students under the guidance of the professor. I did this and it really helped.

    Another thing, if you are in good health, walking on a tread mill at a moderate rate while pronouncing your name repeatedly in an audible manner, time and time again, will help to relax your throat muscles, and it will make you more fluent. The treadmill duplicates the stress you have while you may speak, or introduce yourself to others, or just general conversation.

    Been there, done that, both ideas will work.

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