I don't think I want to Live Anymore...

I live alone in a big city and have very few friends. I have been searching my entire adult life (I'm 34) for one special guy to love me and to start a family with and the universe doesn't seem to want to give that to me. I am so envious of everyone else on the street who's married and has children. I was engaged to someone but I feel like I knew all along we weren't meant for eachother and just got caught up in the excitement of someone loving me enough to want to marry me finally. I don't feel like anyone is ever in my corner. I was physically abused by my mother as a child. I will never forget the time when I was about 6...she straddled me and started tickling me...then she covered my mouth & nose so I couldn't breathe. I thought she was going to kill me. Mom's aren't supposed to do that, right? That was only one incident....there were many more bruises & b***** noses. I'm an independant (I have to be since nobody is ever there for me), attractive woman who has dated a lot (thanks to eHarmony, match.com, etc). The guys I like never ask for a second date and the ones I don't like never know when to leave me alone. I come home from a decent-paying job every day and sit on the couch alone watching tv. The phone rarely rings. Nobody seems to care if I'm alive. I'M SO DAMN LONELY. I probably won't even get any comments back here because I am such a loser. I have made no difference in the world or in anyone's life. I want to learn a hobby or volunteer but I'm scared and just feel that I would suck at everthing. I feel so pathetic because my mom and sister have seen me cry about my life so many times. I feel like they just pity me. I wish I could be someone important that they looked up to. I could be dead in my apartment for days and nobody would be concerned about me being missing. I won't kill myself because I don't want to traumatize my mom or siblings. I have so much more to say but I'm sure you all just think I'm a whiney brat anyway...

Oct 3, 2010

Related Posts


  • newest
  • most popular
  • oldest
  • Where are you? I can share my email if you want to talk

  • Are you still alive??

  • i dont know you.
    but if i knew you.
    id probly care
    im super nice!!!!

  • You are worth everything you just are feeling sorry for yourself, you have a right to but you need to learn to love yourself, you might be sacered and pushing that second date away or maybe thoses date arent the right people,
    I've felt those ways before it's only stinkin thinkin, it gets in your head and takes control. Ive lost husband to cancer, home car been trough alot of crap but i always say it can only get better. Look to God, church , watch Joyce Meyer she been through abuse sexual assault by father she teaches us how to turn that negative thoughts and to find happiness. God bless you and I hope u might try Looking into to this show, Jesus love you I love you

  • I would be no better than the people who ignored my post if I didn't write back to thank the one person who took the time out of their life today to reply to me. I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face at the idea that a total stranger sees value in my life whereas I feel so useless to everyone in my real life. Those who's lives you touch are very lucky to know you. Thank you for giving me a shred of hope that I might someday meet someone as thoughtful as you. Thank you for your kind words and suggestions. I'm hoping this feeling will pass and maybe I will have the courage to try something out of my comfort zone soon. THANK YOU for showing concern towards my very lost soul.

  • After i read this, i saw that there were no comments at the bottom. My thoughts filled with disgust at the number of people who have probably read this and just changed the page. Not one comment, how could people be so rude? You do deserve to live, and even though you're afraid that you won't be good at a hobby or activity, you should still try. I bet, no, i'm POSITIVE there is a man out there for you who will love you and care for you. And if you want friends, you should take action. Join a club and try to find someone whom you are compatable with. A person that you really think is a good person. Someone that you can call your "best friend." Please. Do the world a favor and keep living.

Account Login
Is this post inapropriate?
Reason for reporting this post
Report this comment
Reason for reporting this comment
Delete this post?