Just a dream
I grew up around sexual abuse. I've been abused myself, friends have been molested by their father, other friends by their friends fathers, Kids by older kids ect.
I dream vividly almost every night or at the least 4-5 out of 7 days a week.. Once in a great while I'll mistake parts of my dreams for reality and question whether or not it's actually happened in real life.
I am the single parent of a 5 year old boy. 2ce now out of the 5 years of his life I have dreamed that I, myself have sexually abused him sexually. Mind you- This is something I would NEVER in a million years actually carry out or even think about. It makes me sick just to remember my dreams of it. But I woke up both times crying and trying to put peices together to make sure it didn't actually happen. I wonder though, in the back of my mind, if I'm actually the monster I dream myself being. Or if I could ever actually carry it out. I feel like I should kill myself just in case.
But I can't.