Just a dream

I grew up around sexual abuse. I've been abused myself, friends have been molested by their father, other friends by their friends fathers, Kids by older kids ect.
I dream vividly almost every night or at the least 4-5 out of 7 days a week.. Once in a great while I'll mistake parts of my dreams for reality and question whether or not it's actually happened in real life.
I am the single parent of a 5 year old boy. 2ce now out of the 5 years of his life I have dreamed that I, myself have sexually abused him sexually. Mind you- This is something I would NEVER in a million years actually carry out or even think about. It makes me sick just to remember my dreams of it. But I woke up both times crying and trying to put peices together to make sure it didn't actually happen. I wonder though, in the back of my mind, if I'm actually the monster I dream myself being. Or if I could ever actually carry it out. I feel like I should kill myself just in case.
But I can't.

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  • Thank you so much!

  • DONT even think about killing yourself! Your son needs you... I've had dreams about nasty stuff just like that, but it doesn't mean you'd ever even think about doing that kind of thing. You dreamt about that because of all of your past memories etched into your mind and alot of them being about molestation. You dreamt about doing something to your son because he's someone you spend alot of time and thoughts on. Those two things mixed together in your dreams created this. They are just two things that have a lot of impact in your life. Dreams are always screwed up and mixed up. They put things together that don't make sense. There's nothing wrong with you. Everyone has those weird dreams. You might need counseling about your troubled past, if it's something you still think about all the time. Try to occupy your time with a new hobby that is uplifting and fun. You have to replace that space where the memories of abuse is, with better things so you don't have those dreams. If you can do that, you will have better dreams. Trust me, I know how you feel and Ive been trying to figure this out, too. Just try to replace the bad with something good and new.

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