I feel alone sometimes.

I am 30. I just had my birthday a few weeks ago. I am begining to notice things I never noticed before. I hate my parents. They were abusive and neglectful. If my dad were to die tomorrow, I would not go home. I would not dignify his life, he dose not deserve it. I had to run away from home. I was 12, I was gone until I was 15. You dont understand what that means. I wanted to stay, but I just couldn't! I live in a different state to keep my distance. You are not welcome in my home, I do not want a relationship with you. Go f*** yourself! What I really feel is this: With the creation of social networking, I have been in touch with people who I haven't seen since kindergarten . Most of them keep in contact, as is evident by reading their posts.I am a mystery to them. I want to have people in my life who know me, I want to have long standing relationships instead of this superficial small talk. We had to leave that school, and go to another. There I made friends, but was forced to leave, because I couldnt stay home. I see them on facebook too, keeping in touch. Its just not the same when I try to join in to their conversations! They don't know me!! I hate that I don't have anybody to go "way back" with. We moved after high school, without dad. It wasn't much better. You never noticed me, my feelings, my suicidal actions, my depression, my anger. You said to me one day "You think you have problems?! There are people with real problems out there! Get a grip!" You've only ever neglected me, that's not fair. I had to leave my high school friends, too. I have nobody.

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  • Happy Birthday! You may be going through a mini-life crisis with turning 30. Because sounds as though revelations about certain things are coming up for you and you're not okay with the place you are in. So begin to make changes that matter. First sounds like you can use some friends in your life. Join groups like exercisefriends.com or meetup.com, volunteer..find people who have similar interests as you. Having a close friend shouldn't be based on how long you've known someone for, but the quality of the friendship. Even friends that you have known for 25 years can change. People grow apart, physically move, get married, babies and the lamest excuse..they get busy. Facebook should be taken at face value. Really who has 600 friends? It's a numbers game, a friend collector. Don't worry about not being able to participate in every conversation you see. Enjoy the connections you make on the site and find the people who want to make the effort to be your friend. Share what you feel comfortable with. You have a lot to share about who you are. Keep in mind the things you had in common when you were 17 doesn't mean you have things in common in your adult life. Stop concentrating on the lack of old friends, and start making new ones. Takes effort, but it's worth it.

  • i can't say i know what you guys are going through because i don't. but from what i've learned throught my life is that there are people who truly do care about you and there are people you can talk to when you feel alone. i for one like being there for someone when they're down i like to make people smile and have them feel good about themselves, there's good in everyone and most people just don't take the time to see it in others because their selfish. i don't know if me saying any of this helps at all but tryu to keep your heads up :)
    id u need to talk im here.

  • Hey, I feel you... I haven't had any friends since I was like 12 and I just wish someone really knew me and understood me. My family situation is unique and difficult and I feel like nobody will ever really understand because no one else has been through this. My mom says that exact same thing too. The "Your problems are small and easy compared to what other people go through, be thankful you live in a free country". I can't really connect with people on a deep level but that's all I really want.

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