i'm tired. i h8 this house it feels

i'm tired. i h8 this house it feels like a prison.
i haven't been kissed, or on a first date or even looked at by anyone of the opposite or similar s**. i cry myself to sleep every night because my mom told me when i was a little girl that she knows me and would always know when something was wrong because God would tell her. i think she stopped listening because she is completely in the dark. i wish i liked going to church like when i was a little girl. i wish i could still sing and dance. i wish i were carefree. i wish i could hangout im coffee shops for the rest of my life and read books all the time. i wish i were happy. i wish i were thin. i've been bullemic and no one noticed. i tried to kill myself twice and no one knows. i don't have any close friends and the people that call themselves my friends don't call or invite me to anything. i failed two of my semester exams and know the other ones but didn't tell my parents because i don't tell them anything anymore unless i have to. i h8 calling my stepdad Dad because every male figure that's been associated w/ that word was a negative one in my life and in all honesty i don't want a father. i want to be able to go to school and enjoy it and make good grades like i used to and not be satisfied with 75 c's on my report card. i hate being poor compared to everyone else. if i coukld get dreads in my hair i would. ihate the nick names my family gives me and being called an oreo at school. to me that's as bad as any racial slurr. i don't love my sisters even though i tried and i think it's because we all have different fathers. i think i love my mother sometimes but if she were to die today i don't know how i would react. i just hope that when i grow up, i'll be happy and lose contact with everyone and be able to become somebody other than the pverprotected, incvisible, prechers' daughter, nobody i am.

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  • too long no1 would ever read this s*** you c*** f***** dog f*** s*** b**** f*****

  • And, where are you now?

  • wow! i wrote this 3 years ago and feel COMPLETELY different about my life now. i can't believe i found it so easily though...

  • join a club or something!

    it can do wonders..

    also, talk to your mom. it sounds like she cares, she just may be too busy or something to notice. don't give up, things will get better!

  • Your just in a rut right now.One day you'll wake up from this depression,but it takes time.

  • get some happy pills

  • your still only young, take these experiences your having now into your adulthood, vow to never feel those s*** feelings your having now.... and when your an adult you'll be a superstar.

  • you obviously have self esteem problems.
    find yourself a nerd that's will treat you like gold

  • Soneone needs to see the doctor about getting some happy pills or something

  • that's sad

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