I'd like a triple cheeseburger, extra large fries, and a coke please.

I didn't care about my weight until my twelfth year of high school, when I suddenly noticed the big roll of stomach fat I had. Compared to everyone else, whose stomachs were flat, I felt like a huge f***** and pretty much starved myself for a couple months. I weighed 112 pounds before this.

So after a while I was like "f***" and started a diet that was low-everything, but eating up to 700 calories a day (more than I had before). After I finally got down to around 103, my doctor tells me I'm underweight. I'm like "f*** no, look how fat I am!"

Somehow I manage to stop caring about my weight, and to get my doctor/parents off my ass I started eating what I wanted without meticulously recording everything. In the middle of September, just a few months ago, I was weighed by the doctor (during a physical) to find out I was one hundred and thirteen f****** pounds. Naturally, I freaked out and went back on my diet, but oh no that isn't enough. I started puking up everything bad I ate, only keeping down vegetables pretty much. Now our family never gets good food, so I'm pretty much eating once or twice a day AND throwing up whatever I eat. Today I was weighed again at the doctors and I weigh 111 pounds. I would weigh less, but at first I'd been going through ups and downs with my eating--one day I'd eat whatever, then the next day I'd barely eat, then the next day I'd eat and puke. For about a week straight I've been barely eating AND puking, so I've lost two pounds. In seven days. The s***** thing is, this is encouraging me because it's like "Oh sweet! I'm losing weight!!!" Even though I KNOW it's bad, I KNOW I should eat more, but F*** I FEEL FAT ALL THE TIME. I can't tell anyone this because they'll laugh and laugh. I can't tell me doctor, who I'm seeing for depression and here's the funny thing---he actually sees Eating Disorder kids. Depression is just another one of his things. So if I told him "uhm... I think I'm bulimic.." he'd be all over my ass. I WISH I could tell my mom, I wish I could tell someone, but I really want to get down to a hundred pounds. I CAN'T be over 110. It makes me crazy. I hate this so much... I want McDonalds. I want their 1000 calorie burger... but I know I'd throw it up. I go to restaurants and I have to say "Excuse me" so I can go throw up in the f****** toilet. I'm hunched there, hugging the bowl, finger in my throat, retching my delicious high calorie dinner up. I HATE MYSELF, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

This made me feel better though. I like ranting.

Nov 23, 2010

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  • guys dont like skinny girls, you"d be amazed at how many of us prefer a big girl compared to some skinny, nasty looking thing, eat what you want, start working out to get a better girlie, healthy shape and you'll start to feel alot better

  • Here, this'll make you feel better about yourself and make me feel fat.

    I'm a girl and I'm 5'4 160 pounds. (Proportioned weight though..thank god -_-)

    So, you have NOTHING to worry about. Gurl, I should slap you!

    Gain some weight!

  • I'd like to sum this up; Blah blah, feel sorry for me, blah blah, read about my made up problems, blah blah. Jeez, just get over yourself and man up you fattie.

  • I'm 14 and 130 pounds! but i'm skinny, how does THAT work out? (plus i'm 5' 9"...)

  • You're exactly where you should be.
    At 5'9 your weight range should be 129 - 169lbs. Also remember that if you do sports or work out..muscle weighs more than fat. Don't get hung up on the number thing.. Nothing is good when done in excess.

  • 5'9", you're lucky. If I was 130 I'd be even more of a f*****, 'cause I'm only 5'3" haha.

  • You have to get off of the numbers game...the scale, the clothing labels. It will just make you crazy. There are reasons why there are guidelines for how much you should way for your height. You need to tell your mom and your doctor. And learn to eat right and exercise all within reason..nothing to extreme. And most of all..just love yourself the way you are. What you're doing can cause huge health risks..tooth decay, heart attacks, even death. So please go and talk with someone..

  • meant weigh for your height. not way.

  • Jeez, how unsympathetic people can be. Perhaps the poster is from the Uk where we have years at school not grades.. i.e year 12.

    Sweetie, please seek out some help; you recognize you need it which is a great first step. You can start off anonymously on internet forums for eating disorders.. try something fishy, its a really great supportive community.

  • WTF? Twelve years in high school, are you a dumbass it usually takes most people only 4 years, no wonder why your fat.

  • ur a dumbass XP shes in the 12th grade dumb s***

  • I knovv, right? Even I got it that she meant 12th grade the first time I read it. Stop hating. If you do not like it, do not read it!

  • Twelfth GRADE, maybe? Way to be a s*******.

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