Deepest confessions

Here are my deepest confessions:

- I didn't start smoking because it looked cool, I started smoking because it cut my appetite and I wanted to lose weight. Now, I smoke because I like it.

- Sometimes, I wish I discovered I had terminal cancer so I could give in and let go. I hope for it so much that I know every single symptom of various cancers and sometimes do stuff that is advised against because I know it can lead to cancer. I'll most likely regret it later in life if I do get cancer.

- I tell all my loved ones that my trip to the hospital due to an overdose on medication and alcohol was due to a stupid drunken night. It's untrue. I had thought about it for a long time.

- Even if I get some male attention, I never feel worthy enough of someone's love and it ruins all my relationships.

- I left my home 4 years ago and I'm heading back in a few days. I'm worried that it won't be as good as I hope it will.

- I often cry when I look at myself in the mirror. My friends think I have body dysmorphia.

- I know that a couple of my friends believe that I'm not entitled to feel pain and sadness like they do because I have more money than them even though I've had worse life experiences than them.

- I often lie about what I eat. I try to only eat a smoothie and a salad per day and when I eat more, I get depressed.

- I use to be this imaginative, creative and interested kid. Now, I feel like my mind is blank.

- I feel out of place. Everywhere.

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  • my dad died of cancer..he was a smoker. don even wish for it. he got holes in his cheeks it got that bad..the radiation burnt his skin to black and the chemo made him bald and old.he couldn open his mouth or swallow. we fed him thru his nose. he was in so much pain. u think ur ugly?u shud see urself if u ever got cancer. pls don be so self destructive. try getting professional help. don ruin ur life. oh and smoking wil make u ugly-turn ur lips dark and ruin ur skin!

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