First True Love

I guess that when you regress feelings for a good number of years, anything can come back and haunt you in midlife.

I adored a girl back in elementary school (1970 – 1975). She had long brownish/blondish hair, the most beautiful eyes and smile. I used to carry her books home after school everyday. We lived just one street away.

We felt a little separated between 6th to 12th grade. We went to different schools after the 6th grade. She always knew that I carried a torch for her. Eventually in the 9th grade we started to hide from others – as we secretly dated. This would be a repetitive scenario in the 10th and 12th grades. We went to different schools after the 6th grade. After high school our feelings got hot and steamy. Slightly after her 18th birthday (mid-Nov 1982), we became “very” close.

I had learned in June of 2010 that my first crush and first intimate experience had passed away. She had passed away about 9 years ago. I had limited information on how to contact family members. Eventually I met her gorgeous daughters in the Fall of 2010. The one daughter is a replica of her mother: tilt of head and smile.

My mind is racing all the time because the oldest daughter was born approx 10 months after the “intimate” act occurred. To the best of my knowledge my first love was not involved with anyone else in mid-Nov 1982 – except with me. I think every day to myself: “Can this oldest girl actually be my daughter?”

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