I was so stupid

I posted this originally as an answer to someone's confession, but I decided to re-post it again as my own confession, because it may be helpful for some women who are tempted to do stupid things.
I am married since 1986 with the same husband, and I was faithful for 22 years. Two years ago I started going to lunch with a co-worker, new graduate from college, so young that he could have been my son. I never thought we would cross the line, but it still happened. I trused him for almost six months, during which time he told me a lot of times how much he loved me, and how age is just a number. Needless to say that I slept with him more than once. In my (then) stupid mind I was feeling like a teenager again. Then, one time, while being at his place, a friend of his "stopped by" and "my trusted friend and lover" started to tell me how much his friend liked me, and how exciting it would be to make love to both of them. I wanted to die and I would have left on the spot if they let me. But they insisted, and I gave up and didn't resist anymore, just for being able to leave and get home to take a shower before my husband got back from work. I never talked to him again, and 4 months later I found another job. It was the worst experience of my life, and if my husband found out about this he would probably kill me and himself, too. I'm telling you this because someone on the blog said "bad things happen to bad people", which I do not agree with. I am a very good and caring person, and still, I made a mistake for which I paid dearly.

Dec 9, 2010

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  • Pfffft. Don't listen to other people judging you.
    We all want affection, we all make mistakes.

    If you believe that bad things happen to bad people (superstition) then logically, your husband must be a bad person given that you had a threesome with two other guys behind his back.

    All the same, just carry on living your life the way you are comfortable with.

  • :( i did something stupid as well

  • Sorry mister, didn't mean to come off that way. I know there are plenty of cheatin' lying women out there too who hurt people and break up relationships and/or marriages. Just since the poster is female I came in from the woman's corner because I'm one too. An affair means they BOTH lied, there's no way affairs happen without lies; but the poster already acknowledged herself as one half of the guilty party. "Millions" was just a bit of descriptive hyperbole I used to drive home the point that she could make the same bad choice all over again with the same guy in different clothes if she's not more careful from now on. I know there are decent men around, but in the poster's case, one of the decent ones isn't what she posted about. (BTW, sorry 'bout your fiance, but I bet it made you more careful about who you'll propose to now doesn't it...)

  • if you're the original poster I want to say this: I can understand, but make no mistake, no way no how do I sympathize with what you DID; but your FEELINGS I can well understand. I hope there's never a next time and that you'll begin communicating with your husband or a counselor or a true friend if you find yourself bottoming out again. There's a bunch of clones out there just like your ex-lover; must be some kinda fantasy thing they're looking for; it doesn't HAVE to be YOU or any woman; not the next time or anytime. He lied like millions of them always do, look how quickly he dumped you after it was done. I hope the best for your marriage if you truly want to keep it.

  • Once again, another misandrist. He lied like millions of THEM do? Didn't she lie too? Take some responsibility every now and then. Let me tell you, I flew quite some distance to get married to a woman I went to college with and dated for some time. When just before the wedding I walked in on her kissing some guy that she'd been sleeping with for a while. Had I not caught them she would have went ahead with the wedding. I'm glad to know that only the guy was the dishonest one.

  • OK, now I understand why you are so turned against women. You are biased because you are traumatized from what happened to you. Nobody said that it wasn't my mistake too. I said that from the very beginning, and I also promised to myself never to do it again. Isn't that enough?

  • Hey no problem, and you're right I am a lot more careful now. Thanks for clarifying, that was very kind of you.

  • What you did was wrong, you know that. Ok,you're paying for it with a super attack of bad, miserable conscience and now wish it'd never happened. I'm a woman, and I've been vulnerable and un-satisfied and un-happy; some of the worst mistakes I made were during those times when I was out of sorts. What women know is that a LOT of us find ourselves feeling that way in our lives at sometime or another or LOTS of times no matter. This man made you feel like a teen-ager? No, he pegged you from the beginning and bided his time til the big payoff. Here I disagree with whoever said "nothing happens unless the woman wants it to happen." That's what a woman will tell her male friends and even her girlfriends so she doesn't sound like she let herself be taken advantage of.

  • Wow, I love the misandry in this, I hope you are this understanding when a man in a miserable situation cheats, or is that different? I like how you defend her for her mistakes and place everything squarely on the shoulders of anyone but her. Typical misandrist.

  • Thank you. It's exactly how I feel, and I am happy that someone can understand that.

  • What you thought would be a wonderful affair? Any sympathy I had for u just went right out the window. And yes you are a bad person who got exactly what she deserved, your poor husband deserves to know the truth.

  • What you cannot understand is that I am not sorry for the affair the way it was in the beginning, but for what it became the last time I met him. This is why I am never going to take such a risk again.

  • Shut up b**** you loved the g*******......"your trusted friend and lover"

  • "Thank you" for your compassion; you are very "nice". Obviously you have no clue about women.

  • Almost all of my friends are women, and let me tell you, even if some guy 'insisted' nothing would have happened if they didn't want it to happen.

  • I am not going to argue on this, it was not a rape. Fact is that what I thought to be a wonderful affair became something else, and I was afraid, for fear of revenge. I am married, and if I was really scared of something was that my husband could find out one way or another, if I said NO, so I just play by their rules and finished the relationship as smoothly as I could. Does it make sense now?

  • "Fact is that what I thought to be a wonderful affair became something else,"

    That answers any question I had. I know its scary to be alone, but if you would have stayed in a wonderful affair you should really consider divorce. You aren't happy, thats obvious, and you could still leave on good terms, you should leave before you get too bitter.

  • You are making a mistake. I love my husband with all my heart, and he loves me, I know that. I am very happy with him. I just did a stupid thing, because that young man made me feel really young, like I was in college again. It was something that I didn't feel for many years. I paid for that already, and I know it's not going to happen again! I truly don't know if I can make myself understood...

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