I made a lot of mistakes in my life

I was raped by my boyfriend when I was 18 years old. Despite the opposition of my parents when I was 16 years old, I chose this guy to be my boyfriend. he turned out to be a rapist. Since sthen, I have been traumatized but I didn't tell my parents about it.
I broke up with him after he raped me and I tried to move on 2 years later by having another boyfriend.I left the country and we had a long distance relationship.
I slept with my 2nd cousin, I slept with other people while I was away. I am so embarassed because my parents and siblings don't know all that about me. They always think I m a good girl.
My boyfriend and I broke up when we saw each other after 3 years. I m still single now and I want to have someone that could love for who I am. Sometimes I m afraid to tell what happened to me because I think I will not be loved if I do that.
I had some non committed relationships but now I need something serious. I don't know what to do now because I feel like I made too many mistakes in my life. That's the first time I had to tell my whole story. I can say so far I ve slept with 7 guys and I m so ashamed of it because as a christian, I should have known better.Please, tell me something that can make me feel better about myself. I regret all that I did.

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  • I am really sorry for what that f****** b****** did to you...:(

    Anyway, give yourself a break, and relax, you will find a good guy sooner or later :)

  • You've done nothing wrong. Don't be so h****** yourself or be ashamed for anything. You just got to get your self confidence back. The rape was not your fault. You can still consider yourself a good christian. Sometimes when something traumatizing happens to women, women seek love by having s**. But it can leave most feeling more empty, then fulfilled. You can always talk with a therapist about whatever your feeling, that can always help. But to find a guy that likes you for you..get out there. You're still really young..you're in your 20's right? Are you in college? Join meetup.com, find singles with similar interests, or online dating..most importantly: Love Yourself, Respect Yourself and Be yourself.

  • Thank you...I m still in my 20's . I m not in college now but I m planning to go back next year for the bachelor degree because I already have an associate degree in Accounting.

  • Good for you! That sounds like an awesome plan. College is so much fun and Accounting is a great choice. Everyone needs an accountant :-). With college, you'll just have more opportunities to meet and hang with people close to your age. Good luck to you.

  • 7 s** partners is the average for a 35-40 year old married woman in the US, according to a survey I read not too long ago. So, if you find someone for a serious relationship, you did what most of us did. For example, I am 46 and I had 3 s** partners. The bad part is that my husband was my first, and the others two came after I got married. See? It can be even worse...

  • W****.

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