The mess i am.

I am constantly sad and i don't know why. or at least i can't give you an explanation you might understand. i haven't cried for almost an year over something different than my own pain, and i mean, purely physical pain, not some teen drama stuff. i don't wanna speak. i wanna sink into silence. i don't feel comfortable in my skin. and i am so confused. i don't know myself at all. i don't know who i am or what i want. in fact, right now, i don't want anything. i'm just full of apathy. i am apathy. i have forgotten what being happy felt like. i have started taking too many things for granted and now i realize it's extremely wrong. i wanna jump and scream. really loud. i wanna be angry. i want something to provoke me to hit the bottom so i would know there is no way down. only up from now on. i want change. i need change.
and i just might or might not be bisexual.

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  • Whatever you are feeling, accept it. If you feel miserable, let misery in your life and don't deny it. Don't run away from it. It will pass anyway. Don't go to a psychologist/psychiatrist or some of that professional crap because it doesn't help. They give you some pills that are supposed to solve your problems, but only you can do that, and that takes time, sometimes months/years. Read "The perks of being a wallflower" and "To kill a mockingbird" (google them). Those books might give you some perspective, I promise. And listen to depressive songs so that you can relate to something. I am just like you and when I listen to The Smiths I feel happy because I know that someone has been where I am too. Talk to your best friend if you have one, but do something. Don't stagnate, evolve and find the you that you're meant to be.

  • Maybe you should scream and jump up and down. That could actually help you. Get all of the frustration and anger out..whatever you're feeling. All of what you're feeling. Life is about figuring out who you are, and it's constantly evolving. But you don't have to figure it all out while you're in high school. Seeing as you're dealing with maybe some depression and a lot of mixed emotions, it may help you to talk with someone on a professional level. At least get it out, start sorting things out. Maybe someone with a different perspective on life. You know it's okay if you don't know yet whether your bisexual or not. There's no time limit on that stuff. You'll figure it out. But start to deal with the pain you're feeling now. Get you on the road to start to feel some happiness again.

  • thank you. thank you.

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