The mess i am.
I am constantly sad and i don't know why. or at least i can't give you an explanation you might understand. i haven't cried for almost an year over something different than my own pain, and i mean, purely physical pain, not some teen drama stuff. i don't wanna speak. i wanna sink into silence. i don't feel comfortable in my skin. and i am so confused. i don't know myself at all. i don't know who i am or what i want. in fact, right now, i don't want anything. i'm just full of apathy. i am apathy. i have forgotten what being happy felt like. i have started taking too many things for granted and now i realize it's extremely wrong. i wanna jump and scream. really loud. i wanna be angry. i want something to provoke me to hit the bottom so i would know there is no way down. only up from now on. i want change. i need change.
and i just might or might not be bisexual.