5 year secret

(Before you can expect someone to love you, you have to love yourself. But before you can love yourself, you have to be loved.)

I've kept this secret for 5 years, ever since I understood what was happening to me. I am a sixteen year old girl and I have never felt so helpless. Everytime I think about it, I feel sick and I start to tremble slightly.

My best friends dad, also my neighbor, has been...friendly to me for a while. I don't know how to categorize what he is doing...molesting? Assult? or just being too touchy?
I once told the sugar coated story to my guy best friend and he helped me for a while. He had told me that I should stop wearing make-up and start wearing different clothes. He listened to me cry on the phone at night.
I don't know what happened, but we are no longer friends. He won't look at me in the eyes and now I hear him laugh about rape and being molested. Ever since then, I haven't been able to tell anyone. Sometimes I just think I dreampt it and my life is completly normal, but THAT's the dream.

What did I do to make this happen? Why can't I get his too hot touch away from my skin? I fear the feeling may be there forever. I used to like the way I looked, but now all I see is a s***.
It's more complictated then just pushing him away, or telling someone that can help me.

I no longer feel the desire to be loved.

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  • No matter what happens to you in your life...know that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, and never give someone else the power to take that away from you. I know this is easier said than done, but trust in who you know you are. If you feel that you don't truly know who you are any more (and I understand that feeling completely), keep telling yourself who you are and who you want to be (self-fulfilling prophesy). And I don't want to sound too preachy, but what this man is doing is called sexual assault or molestation. You need to report this immediately. If not, there is no possible way for him to be stopped from doing this to you ever again, or to another girl for that matter. Speaking about the issue on here is a great step, it means that you have the courage to speak about it in general. I know you don't know me, but trust me when I say keeping a secret, especially one of this magnitude, will eat away at you for the rest of what will be a very long life (I know from experience). I don't want that for anyone. Since you cannot remove yourself from the situation--for complicated reasons--the only other solution is to remove him from the situation. This may cause the loss of your friend, but think of this situation as that of the animal kingdom...It's either you or me. In this case, pick yourself (always pick yourself). I hope this helps a little. I'm going to be praying for you, and I hope that you will be able to build up the courage to tell the authorities. Also, talking about it to a professional trained in understanding situations like this will be extremely helpful. You can't get better until you acknowledge the situation and completely move past it. Once again, make sure you tell the police, IMMEDIATELY, and my prayers are with you.

  • cant be screwed to read all of this

  • Call 911 and tell them.

  • must be good living in fantasy land. -Dr. 0

  • First, know that your best friend's dad is the one who is wrong here, you have nothing to feel guilty over. Other adult males in your life don't seem to treat you or make you feel the same way he does, so it's not a case of you being sensitive. Even it it were, you have the right to not stand for anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

    If you don't like him being close to you, tell him you don't like his behavior and tell him he has to stop. Then make sure you are not in situations were you will have to be around him, especially alone (i.e. hang out with your best friend in public places or at your house, with your parents nearby in case he decides to come over to "pick up his child," don't go over anymore and leave the room if you need to). If he has gone beyond being "touchy feely," tell an adult you trust.

    That brings me to the second thing. Your guy friend may have meant to be helpful, but he obviously doesn't have the maturity yet to help you. That doesn't mean he is a bad person, it just means he is young and doesn't know what to do, just like yourself. His advice of not wearing makeup and dressing differently was backwards and completely useless. That made it seem like you were doing something wrong, when it was your victimizer who made the choice to victimize you. It seems this has been going on for a while and it is a very sick individual who pays unwanted attentions to an 11 year old child.

    Again, I don't think your guy friend is necessarily a bad person, but he was wrong in his advice (maybe because he didn't know better) and he made a hurtful decision in suddenly leaving you hanging. I hope he becomes the kind of man who will remember you and how he reacted to your trauma and feel both guilty and determined to help others when he can. But since that time is not now, find someone who CAN help. If you feel too scared to tell a family member, school counselors are trained to help you, has likely helped others like you and has the resources to help you. Please try again to get help, for yourself (you are worth it, you are not a s***!) and for any others your neighbor may come into contact with in the future.

  • Thank you for telling me this, I needed to hear it. You made me cry a little.
    There are just so many complictations with everything that is going on. I don't want to tell an adult because I'm scared. I'm embarrassed and so confused. I want to handle it on my own, but I'm not ready.
    I've tried to tell him to stop in a serious voice when he touches me, but I think he thinks I'm joking. He'll joke around and try to get me to stay stop in a serious voice. And it's not that easy to stay away from him...My friend can't come over because she is allergic to cats and I have two, also we don't have internet (but he bought me a laptop) so I sometimes have to go over there for homework.
    There are so many other complications...

  • Try not to go anywhere near him. It might be hard, but try. Also, tell him to stop and that you don't like when he does that stuff to you. Seeing as he's your best friend's dad he might do the same things to her. You might wanna consider telling her about it. Don't listen to that guy when he says that your clothing and makeup are the reasons this is happening. This is in no way, shape, or form your fault.

  • You didn't cause this. It's the result of a psychologically sick individual. Not every guy is like that, and you can be attractive and not be a s***. Your friend gave you bad advice. Every time you think that way you should feel angry, and you should make a plan to expose his secret and embarrass him publicly when you are older.

  • He's obviously being too touchy if he's making you that uncomfortable. His touching is not welcomed, obviously, so he needs to stop. If he's touched you in any inappropriate places it is sexual assault. But you have the potential to ruin his life with the insinuation if he is not actually touching you inappropriately. What is it? It sounds like sexual assault. If so, you need to find an adult to tell, if not your parents. Do not waste time. He is the problem, not you. All the feelings you are having are typical of sexual assault victims. It is one of the more insidious things, beyond the physical. This needs to end. If he has not touched you in a private place you tell him to please stop touching you because it makes you uncomfortable. If he does not you tell someone what he's doing. If he's sexually assaulting you, then he needs to be confronted by the law. It isn't just you, if that's the case. He is doing it to others and will continue to find victims until he's stopped. Good luck. It is not that complicated. You are a victim. He needs to stop.

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