5 year secret
(Before you can expect someone to love you, you have to love yourself. But before you can love yourself, you have to be loved.)
I've kept this secret for 5 years, ever since I understood what was happening to me. I am a sixteen year old girl and I have never felt so helpless. Everytime I think about it, I feel sick and I start to tremble slightly.
My best friends dad, also my neighbor, has been...friendly to me for a while. I don't know how to categorize what he is doing...molesting? Assult? or just being too touchy?
I once told the sugar coated story to my guy best friend and he helped me for a while. He had told me that I should stop wearing make-up and start wearing different clothes. He listened to me cry on the phone at night.
I don't know what happened, but we are no longer friends. He won't look at me in the eyes and now I hear him laugh about rape and being molested. Ever since then, I haven't been able to tell anyone. Sometimes I just think I dreampt it and my life is completly normal, but THAT's the dream.
What did I do to make this happen? Why can't I get his too hot touch away from my skin? I fear the feeling may be there forever. I used to like the way I looked, but now all I see is a s***.
It's more complictated then just pushing him away, or telling someone that can help me.
I no longer feel the desire to be loved.